Page 2 of Green
“Wait—do you go to USC?”
“Yeah. School of Engineering. Department of Computer Science. Do you?”
“Yes. I’m getting a BFA in scenic design. Engineering, huh? That sounds like a baloney education.”
“Sure, it’s just a BS in Computer Science and Business Administration with a minor in Technology Commercialization—not as practical as a Bachelor of Fine Arts, but we’re all just trying to make the world a better place.”
She tsked. “Rude.”
“Yeah, that was uncalled for, sorry.”
She scanned me up and down again—like some celebrity judge on a TV talent show—seemingly forgetting that we were talking about brownies. I’d like to think that there are a multitude of scenarios wherein I would have played this very differently if she had shown the slightest bit of interest, but I just wasn’t getting that vibe.
“You don’t look like a nerd.”
“Thanks?”
After another five seconds or five hours, she sighed, then said: “I had three brownies. Nope. I lied. I just lied to you. I ate four brownies. Just one after the other. They’re delicious.”
“Well, they must not be laced with too much THC, otherwise you’d really be freaking out right now.” I started to explain how pot brownies are a very different delivery system for marijuana than when it’s inhaled, and I think she may have fallen asleep standing up for a second.
Suddenly, her eyes opened again and she said: “You want one?”
“Uh. Yeah. Yes, I do.” It was a Saturday night and I was twenty, single, and naked. If I’m being honest, I didn’t even want a brownie. I just wanted to be with her some more. I thoughtshewas delicious.
“You can come in. My roommates aren’t home. You can put on my boyfriend’s clothes. He isn’t here either.”
And there it was.
She had a boyfriend.
Of course she did.
I made some mental adjustments and decided to see where this would lead anyway.
“You’re the same size,” she continued.
I cleared my throat and tried not to give her the same cocky grin that had gotten me into Nikki’s apartment and pants earlier.You sure about that?
She glanced down at my hands, which were still covering my private parts, but in no way hiding everything. It must have been true that her vision was wonky, otherwise surely her eyes would have bulged out of their sockets at that point. “I mean. In general. As far as I can tell…Wait there, I’ll go get the clothes for you.”
She went inside and closed the door.
I continued to stand there, hands on my junk, wondering if this was really the best use of my time when I had midterms to study for.
The door swung open wide, revealing this little pixie in all her glassy-eyed, curly-brown-haired glory. She was laughing so hard she was snorting and hiccupping, waving her hands at me, as if to say: “You’re naked!” She finally managed to pause long enough to speak. “You should come in. Then I’ll get the clothes.”
“Sounds like a plan,” I said, remaining still.
She stood in the doorway, trying to focus on my mouth. “What’s that accent?”
“I don’t have an accent. You do.”
“Canadian! I could tell from the way you said ‘sounds.’ You said ‘sorry’ funny too. Say ‘about.’”
“I’mabootto freeze my nuts off in this here hallway, eh?”
She laughed so hard she bowed forward, snorting again. Nodding, she finally pressed her back up against the open door to make room for me to pass. I tried really hard not to notice that her Snoopy T-shirt was suddenly stretched tight across her very round perky breasts, and she didn’t try hard at all to ignore my bare ass as I hustled through the doorway. She blatantly stared at it, in fact.
