Page 17 of Green
“I’m not going to get back together with him,” I offered, meekly.
“Good. I really hope you don’t. And the other thing I was going to say is that you have absolutely no reason to feel unattractive.” He held his arms close to his body, careful not to touch me or give me any reason to misinterpret his words or body language. “Whatever reason he had for fucking around, those were his reasons. You’re a fox, Gemma Kelly. You’re beautiful and you’re kind and you’re loyal and you’re smart and talented and funny and most of the time you’re really sane and sweet and there might not be a guy out there who deserves you, because we’re all shitheads in some way or another, but there’s someone out there who’s better for you than Andrew, I know that.”
Someone. Out there. Not in here. Got it.
Reason Number Infinity Plus One.
“What should we watch five episodes of before you fall asleep on the sofa tonight?”
“Oh…I just want to eat cheese and donuts and watch HGTV until I lapse into a food coma.”
He scrunched up his face. He never wanted to watch HGTV with me. That was going on the list. My real husband would watch that shit with me.
“Fine. I’ll go change into my sweats and return a few emails—see you on the sofa in ten.” He turned to go to his room.
Hunh.He was willing to watch HGTV with me that night. That was exactly why I refused to torture myself by being in love with him—he was such a good friend that he would make it impossible for me to hate him for not being desperately in love with me.
“No, I…I’m gonna get in bed and watch on my iPad. In my room. By myself. Is that okay?”
He looked somewhere between mad and crestfallen. “Really? I mean. I came back from Palo Alto for you, Gem. You know what my schedule’s like right now.”
“I didn’t ask you to rearrange your schedule. I didn’t even tell you what was going on.”And I almost kissed you so obviously I need to pretend that you don’t exist.
“Right. Have a good night.”
He went into his bedroom and shut the door.
I stomped into mine and shut the door.
I collapsed onto my bed, pulled out my Just Friends journal and my pen and I wrote, with a shaky hand:Reason # 26 –These lust-fueled feelings for him are turning me into a cuckoo-bananas-crazy-monster. Must. Repress. More. Effectively. Immediately.
I was disappointed with myself for so many reasons that night, but chief among them was the fact that I was only able to consume four donuts and three slices of cheese. I paused theFixer Upperepisode that I’d already seen five times, and could hear an episode ofBob’s Burgerson in the living room. Theo was probably working on his laptop while sexting with Carly.
I should just let him do that.
But what if that’s not what he’s doing? What if he’s sad?
He did come back to be with me.
I couldn’t deny him that. I couldn’t deny him our friendship.
I was wearing my least sexy PJs and carrying the teddy bear when I tiptoed out and saw that Theo was sprawled out on the sofa, staring at the TV, holding onto a throw pillow and frowning. No laptop, no phone. Just him in his baggy sweat pants and tank top.
I will be enforcing a strict No Being In Love With My Best Friend Policy—starting tomorrow.
I lifted up his big feet and plopped down onto the end of the sofa, placing them on my lap.
He put the pillow that he was clutching behind his head.
I leaned back and let the familiar sweet hilarity that isBob’s Burgerswash over me and lull me to sleep.
We didn’t say a word to each other. I fell asleep inside of half an hour. He was gone in the morning, and I woke up there on the sofa with a pillow under my head and a blanket over me and found a Post-it note on the coffee table that said:No more donuts for you, missy. xx
I ate the rest of the donuts.
