Page 7 of Rebound With Me
“Are you okay?”
“I might be a lot better than okay.”
“What?”
“Is Dave there? Can you talk?”
“Hang on, I’ll go to the kitchen.” I hear her tell her husband to pause what they’re watching and I hear him tell her to grab another beer and more chips. “What’s going on? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing! I’m at a bar with a guy that I just met at the liquor store and I think he wants to have sex with me.”
“Nina. Go home. Now. Alone.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re so sensitive and inexperienced. You’ve been attached to Russell for years, you need to detach from him for real, then attach yourself to yourself, preferably with a vibrator, and then you can start dating someone else.”
“But —”
“Do not have sex with strangers, Nina, you can’t handle it.”
“Okay but hear me out.”
“Are you in the ladies room now? Is there a window? Can you climb out of it? Do you need me to send Dave to come get you?”
“Just calm down.”
“Okay, but I’d kind of like an excuse to get him out of the house he’s driving me nuts.”
“Hang on. I’m sending you a picture.” I text her the photo of Vince. “I’m telling you, Marn. Things are happening. There’s something about this guy that I’m responding to on a level that I didn’t even know I had.” I look around to make sure I really am alone in this restroom, and lower my voice anyway. “My panties are flooded!”
Marnie snort-laughs.
“I’m serious! Like soaking wet—there might be something medically wrong with me. I’m losing a lot of fluids.”
“I think your body is celebrating because it never has to see Russell naked again.”
“Oh he looked just fine naked.”
“Oh my God you’re still defending him!”
“Did you get the picture yet?”
“Hold on.” There is a pause, and then I hear her suck in her breath. “Shhhhia LaBoeuf!” She’s an elementary school teacher too. “That’s the guy?”
“Yeah.”
“I think I just got pregnant. Which bar are you at? I’m leaving my husband and kids. I will have sex with this guy and test him out for you.”
“I mean. Maybe I should get to know him better? Ask him out to lunch tomorrow so we can talk more when I’m not drinking?”
“No way. You let that guy leave tonight you will never see him again. You should ride that beautiful man like a bull. Immediately.”
“So it’s okay for me to have a one-night stand with a stranger as long as he’s hot?”
“Hey, I didn’t invent double standards. That guy’s not going to murder you. He has beautiful sad eyes. You need to drink more and then take him to your place. Make him strip before you let him through the door, to make sure he doesn’t have a knife on him. But I am willing to bet he’s packing a long hard weapon in his pants.”
“Marnie!”
