Page 69 of Cocky Nerd

Page List

Font Size:

“So this was just a business deal foryou?”

“No, not at all. That’s not…Listen. My PR consultant really did advise me that I should bring a female companion along for those events. Those events happened to coincide with your brother mentioning that I should reach out to you. I don’t believe in fate, but I do believe there’s a right time for things. There was no other female on Earth that I wanted to accompany me other than you. Carefully-worded contracts are a controllable form of execution for ideas that could be either brilliant or disastrous. It’s a necessaryevil.”

“Do you really not see how weird that is? Why didn’t you just ask me out on adate?”

“In case you don’t remember—I asked you to be my date and you laughed—just as I had anticipated youwould.”

“Because you wanted me to go to Shanghai and New York with you before taking me out for coffeefirst.”

“I don’t have time for that kind of dating. Don’t look at me like that—every planet in the universe follows the shortest path, using the least amount of energy. This is no different. This was the most effective and efficient way that I could think of to get you to spend time with me, get us back on the same path, with the end result of us being a marriedcouple.”

“We aren’t planets, you nerd, that doesn’t make any sense—you sound like a crazyperson.”

“It makes perfect sense, you just don’t get it—you’re ignorant and you’re being stubborn and reactive and overlyemotional.”

I can tell from the way his eyelashes flicker that he immediately regrets saying that, but it’s too late. He has crossed back over to the arrogant intellectual side. I have crossed back over to the emotional dancer side. There is no way for those paths tocross.

I hurt all over but I’m so angry, I know I won’t cry for days. “Jesus Johnny. How on earth, after the time we’ve spent together, after the way we’ve been together this past week, how is it possible that you could consider presenting me with an engagement ring and a fucking contract for a fakeengagement?”

“It’s not a contract for a fake engagement—did you read it—it contains terms for our engagement. It’s not the same thing. Not to me,anyway.”

All I want to do is see him hurt like he’s hurt me. That can’t be love. Can it? “Wow. I know you’ve always wanted to be a part of my family but maybe you should just ask my parents to adoptyou.”

“That…Wow. That wasmean.”

I look down, sorry, but not going to sayit.

“You do realize that a fake fake relationship is a realrelationship?”

“I don’t think that’strue.”

“I don’t think I’mwrong.”

“I don’t think it really matters right now if you’re right orwrong.”

He snorts. His posture gets straighter, his lips tighten into a straight line. He is either closing off the part of himself that was real and open, or he’s stopped acting and gone back to being himself, I don’t know which. And that is why it is crazy for either of us to be thinking about marriage. That and the twelve hundred reasons why we’re totally wrong for eachother.

“This contract is just a way for you to keep me at a distance. You’re a coward. You’re hedging yourbets.”

“Yeah. Like not telling your regular fuck that I’m your boyfriend in case he finally one day magically decides he wants to hire you for a gig. Or like telling someone you love them for the first time when you think they’re asleep. You’re only angry right now because you would have said ‘yes,’ so why can’t you just focus onthat?”

“Onwhat?”

“The fact that you would have said yes if I’d asked you to marry me. For real.” His jaw is clenched. His fists are clenched. His whole body is a rigid mass of stubbornnerd.

He is right and I hatehim.

I can’t stop shaking my head. “You’re still not ready to be in a real relationship withme.

“Areyouready forthat?”

“I don’t know. I thought Iwas.”

“I would never ask you to love me more than you loveballet.”

“I know. I wouldn’t ask you to love me more than you love your workeither.”

“So what’s theproblem?”