Page 68 of Cocky Nerd
Olivia
Iam eighty-five percent certain that my parents didn’t hear Johnny and me boning last night, and ninety-five percent sure that John didn’t hear me say “I love you” an hour later. I can live with those odds. “Probabilities!” snaps Johnny’s voice in my head. “Probabilities are given as percentages, odds have a value of zero to infinity and represent aratio!”
What if the nerd virus has infected my brain via his penis? What if I start thinking of music in terms of mathematics and dance movements in terms of physics? What are the odds of John becoming more like me? Do I even want him to? When did I start questioningthings?
From the upstairs hallway, I can still hear John and Nathan in the dining room, trying to explain the cloud to my Dad. John is the only one still eating my Mom’s banana-zucchini bread and he looks so happy and comfortable today I’ve felt my heart nearly explode multiple times. I love how much he loves my family. I love how happy my Mom is because this is the first time Nathan and I have brought a date home for a meal. It feels like a new chapter in all ourlives.
I have come upstairs to get my phone so I can show Katie pictures from Shanghai. If today’s lunch is any indication, I can tell that Thanksgivings are going to be a thousand times better now that she’s part of the family. Well, she’s not officially part of the family yet, but I can tell. You can just tell when two people are going to marry each other. Unless the two people are me andJohn.
When I see that the door to my old room is open, I am filled with dread. I don’t have to hear whining or growling or grunting to know that Bob the Cocker Spaniel is in my/his room. Which one of us forgot to close the door? Hopefully he hasn’t chewed up anything important of mine orJohn’s.
I find Bob on top of the bed. I didn’t realize he could even get up that high without help. He has gotten into John’s leather messenger bag. “Shit.” I check the leather for bite marks. That sounds sexual, but it’s not. Fortunately, the puppy does not appear to be into leather. But he is into the little blue bag that he is currently nuzzling with hisnose.
Holyshit.
I grab the bag from him. A Tiffany’s bag! From John’s bag?! With a little blue box inside! Should I open it? What if I accidentally drop it and it opens on its own? “Oops!” I turn the bag upside down and the cardboard box drops onto the bed. Bob has already moved onto some papers, so he’s not going to chew on it. Now I have to open the box to make sure it’s what I think it is. What is it about a robin’s egg blue box that makes a woman get all crazy pants? I remove the lid of the cardboard box and snap open the boxinside.
“Oh my God.” I cover my mouth. An engagement ring. Stunning. Perfect. My eyes tear up. This fucking better be for me. Yes. I would say ‘yes.’ It’s so crazy, butyes!
That must be why he was being weird at the airport. He didn’t want to hide this in his luggage in case it got lost or stolen, and he didn’t want to risk me seeing it in his messenger bag when we went through security. He is agenius.
And then I realize that Bob is chewing on the papers that he’s pulled out of the leather bag. I yank them from his mouth. “No chewing. Bad Bob! But good Bob for findingthis!”
Shit, I hope these aren’t important documents. Surely he can just print whatever it is out again. It looks like…Is it a prenuptial agreement? Or is it…I snap the ring box shut, put it back in the cardboard box and back in the Tiffany bag, my hands shaking like I’m freezing todeath.
I scan the papers. This is another contract, like the one he had me sign for our one month fake relationship, but this is for anengagement?
What?
He is an idiot. He is an asshole. He iscrazy.
I almost had unprotected sex with him and this is all still just some kind of arrangement for—forwhat?
“What are youdoing?”
He’s standing there in the doorway, looking at me like I’m the one who’sinappropriate.
I don’t even stop to think. As soon as I see his face, I take two steps towards him and slap it. It hurts my hand. He’s lucky I don’t know the physics of Bruce Lee punching, but damn thathurts.
Bob whimpers, almost as though I slapped him, then slides down the side of the bed to the floor and scampers out of the room. Good survival instincts. Can’t say the same about John. I can just tell that every single thing he’s going to say from now on is going to make me want to slap himagain.
“Did you not like thering?”
I glare athim.
His hand covers his pink cheek and I watch his eyes move from the Tiffany bag to the document in my hand and I hate that it only takes him a second to assess the situation when my brain is still spinning out and I barely have a handle on what’s going on. Scratch that. I have no idea what’s goingon.
“I was only going to use it if you didn’t say ‘yes’ when I asked you to marry me. Like with the othercontract.”
His voice is so steady, and I want to run aroundscreaming.
I hold up the papers. “This is aninsult.”
“I don’t see that. I’ve known that I wanted to marry you for a long time—this arrangement was just the quickest means to the end that I knew would be best for both ofus.”
“What are you saying? That this was afakefakerelationship?”
“That’s one way of putting it. Actually, when you put it that way it sounds stupid. It isn’t stupid. I’ve had a lot of success in life when I turn ideas into businessdeals.”
