Page 67 of Cocky Nerd
I put my hand on her face, swipe my thumb across her cheek. It is damp. She’s crying. This girl. What does it mean? She doesn’t say anything else, and neither do I. I close myeyes.
When my eyes open again,it’s still dark, and I’m on my side, facing away from Olivia, but I can feel her right behind me. I don’t move. I can feel her uneven breath on my back. Am Iawake?
“I love you,” shewhispers.
I still don’t move. I keep my breaths as even as possible. I feel her kiss my neck, ever so gently, and then she turns around to face the otherway.
I feel like a thief. She has given me something precious and I’ve taken it without giving her something back. Or maybe she’s the thief. She has stolen my breath, my heart, my body, my mind, my life, and left me with three quiet little words in a darkened room. It’s more than enough, but it’s also far toomuch.
* * *
I wakeup with a weird feeling in my stomach. Like I used to feel before an exam. If I weren’t me, I’d figure I’m coming down with something, but I only get sick every few years. I outwit germs and viruses. I haven’t felt like this since the morning I went on pitch meetings for Brainy Biz funding. I have no idea why I feel this way, and then Iremember.
Olivia has already gotten up. I think this is the first time she’s gotten out of bed before me. I hear scratching at the bedroom door, which is closed, hear whimpering. It’s the puppy. Ihope.
I get out of bed, “Coming, coming,” and open the door. Bob the baby Cocker Spaniel scampers in without waiting for an invitation. I don’t usually pay much attention to cute things, but this guy is really fucking cute. He sniffs around at my feet, nudges my leg with his wet nose and looks up at me. “Hi. How are you?” He looks disappointed. He turns around in a circle, then sits down and raises his paw in the air and huffs.Well, fuck me. I guess you want me to touch you orsomething.
I bend down to rub the top of his head and he rests his front paws on my knees, licks my face all over. I pick him up and sit with him on the bed. He keeps licking my face and wagging his tail, and there’s something about it that makes me feel so sad. I’ve never held a puppy before. How is that even possible? How does someone go twenty-seven years without holding a freaking puppy in his arms? What have I been doing with mylife?
Working. Making hundreds of millions. If I had a puppy I wouldn’t be able to focus on my business. That’s true. Is it? Yes, it’s true. There’s a reason I haven’t turned my offices into a playground with desks, like so many of the “cool” startups. I don’t make my employees work round the clock, and they can do whatever they want in their free time, but I draw the line at houseplants and a ping-pong table in theworkplace.
I put Bob back down on the floor and wipe my face with the back of my hand. Olivia may be deeply distracting, but at least she doesn’t leave my faceslimy.
I don’t even have to check my phone to know that I need to get to the hotel to get some important work done this morning. My portable wireless printer stopped working when we were in New York, and I don’t have time to get a new one here. I will print out some documents at the hotel business center, even though I usually refuse to use public office equipment. I will check in with my business manager to make sure I’m still as wealthy as I think I am. Then maybe my stomach will feel the way it’s supposed to bylunch.
