Page 22 of Cocky Nerd
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I’ve been workingon an idea for a startup all day. It’s the first idea I’ve had that might actually go somewhere. Hours have passed and I realize I haven’t eaten since dessert at the Montgomery’s last night, so I find a bag of Cheetos in the kitchen when I take a break to make more coffee. Could this be what Olivia meant when she said I should take better care of myself? Is all this coffee and Doritos and Cheetos and Red Vines making me less attractive than I could be? I will look into this. My mother has left a note on the nearly-empty fridge that says:Will try to remember to buy groceries on the way home. If you order pizza please consider getting organic vegetarian.XX
Ever since my parents started investing in the food tech industry, my Mom has been trying to encourage my Dad and me to go vegetarian, despite the fact that we’ve all always worked or studied such long hours that the main food groups we consume are Fast, Caffeinated, andSugar.
When I feel a vibration in my pocket and see Monty’s Caller ID on my phone, I feel more than a twinge of guilt. It’s not rational. I’ve done nothingwrong.
“Hello?”
“You filthypervert.”
“What?”
“You jacked it at my parents’ house didn’tyou?”
Shit.“I beg yourpardon?”
“I found a crusty hand towel in the bush under the upstairs bathroom when I was helping to take the garbage can to the curb. What is wrong with you? You aren’t twelve. My parents dry their hands on that—that’sdisgusting!”
“That is an interesting deduction, but I have no idea what you’re talking about. You threw it away,right?”
“Yeah. The hand towel that you don’t know anything about was thrown away. You just better not have been thinking about my sister. Johnny B. Nerdballs. Surely there was some other female human you felt compelled to jerk off to during Thanksgiving dinner at my family home, and not my little sister who happened to have been wearing an inappropriately shortskirt.”
“I…I don’t know what to say. Other than I was sexting with a girl named Jillian.” This is not entirely untrue, as I did engage in sextual activity with Jillian several hours later once I’d returned to my parent’s house. Obviously no one needs to know that even while I was sexting with Jillian, I was thinking of my best friend’s younger sister. Bent over the Montgomery family dining table. Begging me to give it to her harder. Telling me to show her how they do it in college. Moaning about how wrong she was aboutme.
Thinking about those nipples that got noticeably harder the angrier she got. The infuriating mouth on her. All I can think about is how I want to fill it up with my bighard—
“Who’sJillian?”
Fuck.“Just a girl from MIT. We aren’t dating or anything. She was back home and she was bored. She’s a very good writer, so as you can imagine, her texts are stimulating. I’m really embarrassed that I couldn’t wait, and I’m really sorry about the handtowel.”
He laughs. “You are full of surprises. Did she sendpictures?”
“Affirmative.”
“Hot. But you gotta be careful with that, youknow.”
“Oh I am fully aware of the dangers and consequences. But, you know. Occasionally the brain is no longer incharge.”
“No kidding. Okay, well. I gotta go. Yougood?”
“Yes.You?”
“Yes. Talklater.”
“Talklater.”
I haveto find someone likeOlivia.
Not any time soon, obviously, because I’ll be busy with this startup, but eventually. There will be a window of opportunity and I will find someone likeOlivia.
Or.
By then I will be worthy of Oliviaherself.
By then I will have taken care ofmyself.
By then she will wantme.
And I won’t have to worry aboutMonty.
We’ll be following ourbliss.
Everything else will fall intoplace.
