Page 18 of Cocky Nerd
Me: I can carry it, it’sfine.
Johnny: I should have another arrangement sent to your home. You can leave that one at therestaurant.
Me: There really isn’t room here, it’s fine! Thankyou.
Just as I’mabout to put my phone away, I get a call fromCallie.
“What’s up, I gotta check on my salmonorder.”
“Um. There’s someone in ourapartment.”
“What oh my God call thepolice.”
“No she’s uh cleaning. Everything. She says your boyfriend senther.”
My brainfreezes.
“JohnBrandt.”
“Oh right! Sorry. I totally forgot about that. He told me he’d send his housekeeper and I forgot to tell you. Do you want me to ask her toleave?”
“No I want you to have him send her every week dummy. I also want her to adopt me. She made me an iced coffee that’s better thanStarbucks!”
“Oh. Okay, well. She’s not like, doing laundry and everything, isshe?”
“That’s what she wanted me to ask you, actually, that’s why I’m calling. Because I totally want her to do mylaundry.”
“Um. I don’t think I want a stranger doing my laundry. But you goahead.”
“Suit yourself. I’m gonna drink iced coffee until I get iced diarrhea. Well I guess I shouldn’t because the bathroom’s so clean I don’t want to mess itup.”
“Hanging up nowbye.”
I call John, expecting to leave a message, but he answers on the firstring.
“Olivia?” He sounds concerned. I can hear people talking in thebackground.
“Did you give your housekeeper mykey?”
“I had a copy made forher.”
“You can’t just make copies of my house key and give them to people that I don’tknow!”
“Olivia, I’m about to step into a meeting. Is there a problem that you need to discuss withme?”
“Well…Not really.No.”
“Great. So we’re on for dinnertonight?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll pick you up at seven. Pack an overnight bag. We’ll be staying at my place tonight. You’ll be in theguestroom.”
“Okay.”
“Wear something tasteful and elegant casual, but not so attractive that Phil’s wife will feelintimidated.”
“Rogerthat.”
He hangsup.
Two hours later,after getting Franklin to cover my last table (which happened to be filled with sexy gay businessmen), I manage to get the flower arrangement home without tripping, running into anyone, falling or dropping it, and there is now space for it on the counter because Johnny’s housekeeper organized all of our random flyers and takeout menus and magazines and notepapers into lovely piles. The apartment looks a thousand times better than it did when I left this morning, and I feel like my life is several steps up from mediocre. Not that it wasmediocre.
