Page 17 of Cocky Nerd
“That’s probablysmart.”
“Why? Who is she? Let mesee.”
She turns the laptop around so I can’t see it. “I don’t think you want to. It looks like they dated for a few months a yearago…”
Must have been another fakerelationship.
“I don’t care just let me see!” I go over to where she’s sitting on the couch, pull the laptop away from her and experience all kinds of unexpected feelings as I stare gaping at dozens of photos of Johnny with a supernaturally stunning woman. In every picture she’s looking at him like she’s in awe of him—and not like “I can’t believe you’re such a dork” awe, but like “wow you are so amazing” kind of awe. “Montana Reed? What kind of bullshit name isthat?”
“The kind that gets listed in Maxim’s Hot100.”
“I don’t know what that means, but it soundssexist.”
“It is, and you need to face facts: you may be the nerd in this Beauty and the Nerd relationship. Because that man is freakingbeautiful.”
On the outside, yes, I’ll admit.“Yes, he’s veryphotogenic.”
“Holdup!”
“What?”
“He did a TedTalk!”
“You’re kidding. Aboutwhat?”
She smiles. “Let’s findout!”
* * *
I’ve beenat work for two hours, and I can’t stop thinking about Johnny’s Ted Talk. If I hadn’t known him personally before watching it, I would have instantly fallen in love with him. His topic was “How To Leverage Your Weaknesses.” He spoke about what led him to develop Brainy Biz, and how he and this company has helped thousands of individuals and companies connect and prosper by forcing them to become self-aware of their quirks and branding themselves by calling attention to what makes them different, as opposed to familiar. There is a moment where he refers to “someone I grew up with, who has always been a friendly critic of my own particular shortcomings,” and how he is grateful to this person for helping him to see himself from another perspective, and rather than change who he is, as long as it’s not harming anyone, he has learned to change how he interacts with people. He has this poignant smile on his face when he’s talking about “this person,” and I just fucking know he’s talking aboutme.
I’m both touched to find out that I’ve been such a significant person in his life, and also annoyed that it never occurred to him to tell me this directlybefore.
He’s somewhat self-effacing in the TedX Talk. He says he realizes that he sounds like a deep learning artificially intelligent robot, but it’s like when someone makes a joke about himself on a first date—it’s charming and you don’t read into it until it’s too late. At the end of the talk, the camera shows the women in the audience applauding him like he’s Deep Learning RobotElvis.
“Um,O?”
I snap out of it and look over to see Tara the hostess’s legs heading towards me, and an enormous flower arrangement where her torso should be. She manages to poke her head around apeony.
“Hi. This just came for you. I signed for it, but there’s nowhere to put it out front. You’ll have to put it in the breakroom.”
“Oh my God that’s huge, here let me.” I cradle the large vase in my arms and manage to rest it on one hip so I can get to the back without knocking anyone or anything over. Leave it to Johnny B. to make a grand romantic gesture without considering what I’m supposed to do with a forty-pound vase of flowers at work. Not that I’m ungrateful. The arrangement is stunning and it includes every type of flower that I love and none that Idon’t.
“It’s from Hot Guy, isn’t it?” Tara says,grinning.
“Um. Probably. Thank you.” Or more likely his assistant sent it forhim.
Franklin doesn’t offer to help me carry this gorgeous monstrosity, he just whispers “Lucky slut” under his breath as he passes meby.
There’s a bench in the middle of the small break room, but I don’t want anyone to knock it over, so I place it on the floor in a corner, by the trash bin. When I pull out my phone to text Johnny to thank him, I see that he has sent me a text asking if I’ve received the flowers he sentme.
Me: Just now! So beautiful, thank you! I lovethem.
Johnny: I can have my driver pick you up after work to help you get them home. Just realized you’ll have to carry them tenblocks.
Me: Is your driver in thearea?
Johnny: No he’s in Palo Alto, but he’s free for a couple of hours before he has to pick me up and bring me to you fordinner.
