Page 28 of Every Inch of You
Chapter Eight
VIVIAN
They saythat the brain is the largest sexual organ. First of all, whoever “they” is has never seen the bulge in Brad’s sweatpants, and secondly, Brad Mitchell’s brain was the biggest cockblocker I have ever had to dealwith.
He was so stubborn! Why couldn’t he just let go of his memories of high school? It was another world. It had been eight years since we graduated. We were both different people now—we had almost all new cells in our bodies. Granted, I probably had fewer brain cells than I did in high school, thanks to some heavy partying my freshman year of college—but I used the ones that I hadn’t killed yet a greatdeal!
I couldn’t sleep at all that night. I lay in bed groaning and touching myself all over, thinking about his body…how it looked like every muscle was lovingly sculpted from clay as opposed to chiseled from stone—there’s a warmth to his physique that commands you to reach out and touch it…the way he had breathed me in and kissed me…the feel of his hands on my hips. For that glorious minute that we had our hands and mouths on each other my own growing muscles had forgotten that they were throbbing with pain. Now a whole other part of me was throbbing with pain. Oh God it wasexcruciating.
I had never felt this kind of lust for a guy that I actually knew before. This was like a lust tornado of all the hormones and feelings I’d ever had for boy bands and the stars of Marvel movies and pastries combined, but it was all forBrad.
Maybe I was experiencing my Dirty Thirties four years ahead ofschedule…
Maybe all that exercise and stretching was making me more aware of my body than I had beenbefore.
But mostly, I knew, it was Brad. The Hottest Brad I Had EverKnown.
Iwas completelyfunctional at work, but when it came to Brad/Mitch, I was a crazy person. I had never been so forthcoming (aka obnoxious) about my attraction to a guy before. Despite his protestations, it felt liberating. Why should I hide how I felt about him? We had once been so close, it seemed ridiculous to be demure or to play games. Besides, he already deplored me—what was the worst that couldhappen?
I sent him a photo of two whole beefsteak tomatoes with an enormous cucumber between them, pointing downwards, and a head of lettuce below it, one leaf of it was touching the tip of the cucumber. It looked ridiculous, but it was suggestivenonetheless.
Shockingly, he did notrespond.
When I showed up to the gym for our next appointment, I handed him the weekly questionnaire, all filledout.
Ultimate goal: to bone BradMitchell
Why: because he would enjoyit
Strengths:fellatio
Weaknesses: too good atfellatio
He foldedup the paper and shredded it with his fingers, while glowering at me. “Ms. Sparks, if you aren’t going to take our training sessionsseriously…”
“Oh calm down and check your email. I filled out a serious versiontoo.”
“This was a waste ofpaper.”
“You’re wasting your good sense ofhumor.”
“You’re wasting time. Go get warmed up. Meet me by the lat pull down machine infifteen.”
“Yes,coach.”
“Don’t call mecoach.”
“Yesma’am.”
That’s how it went,at each of our three private sessions that week. I’d see the other trainers laughing with their clients, slapping their butts and taking selfies with them—especially the gay guy named Sebastian—his clients were toning their core from laughing so much. Meanwhile, I kept trying to remind Mitch that “resistance training” did not refer to the resistance of sexual attraction or intercourse, and he would wordlessly remind me that I was an unforgivably idiotic asshole in high school and also a client who shouldn’t even be talking about sexual intercourse withhim.
But then, I’d sometimes catch him watching me from across the gym when I was working out on my own. He’d be standing there, with his arms crossed over his chest and his feet beyond hip-width apart, perfect posture, the stance only used by male athletes and bouncers, and there’d be this one hot moment when his eyes were still being controlled by his body and his infuriating brain hadn’t kicked in yet. I’d hold his gaze, his lips would part slightly, and I could see that he was thinking about us making out the other day too. I could feel the heat between us from thirty feet away. All I’d hear was my heart thumping and heavy breathing—like I’d just done twenty kettlebell swings, except all I’d done was share a look with him. But then he’d snap out of it and look at something else and I’d go take a bracing shower and wonder if I’d imagined absolutely everything—was this all a sugar withdrawal-induced feverdream?
Late at night I’d get a text from him about the kitten, for instance:Hi. LB’s been sleeping for like two hours straight. Should I wake her up to make sure she’sokay?
I’d write back:Kittens need a lot of sleep! So do older cats-that’s why they’re so nice to live with. You’re worrying too much.If you require assistance in getting to sleep or reducing stress, I have some ideas andsuggestions…
After waiting half an hour for some kind of a response from him, which would never come, I’d reach for my vibrator and Justin Timberlake would leave the room because he was so ashamed ofme.
By Friday afternoon,I had convinced myself that he just wasn’t really attracted to me and was using the high school stuff and the personal trainer-client rule as an excuse. Frankie was so sick and tired of my moping that she swore she wouldn’t speak to me again unless I promised to go out with her Saturdaynight.
“What is the point of getting in shape and not eating comfort food if you’re going to feel bad about yourself? You’re a hot awesome lady. You’re a catch. There are so many great bars and bistros and people in PDX and you haven’t actually enjoyed them as a single person yet. Let’s find you one other person that you want to have sex with whoisn’tholding a ridiculous grudge against you. Whoever that guy is probably won’t have as amazing a face and body as Brad, but at least he’ll be nice and put his penis inyou.”
She was right. I could not disagree with that statement. I was tired of feeling bad. I was ready to get out there and let a nice guy put his penis inme.
