Page 57 of Every Inch of You
Chapter Twenty
VIVIAN
Not only couldI now wear the bridesmaid dress and take deep breaths in it—I could fit into my skinny jeans! My Moment of Truth Jeans, I called them. They were the ones that my sister had seen me in the last time she was in town to visit me, the ones that had given me some serious muffintop.
Ladies and gentlemen—the muffin top was nowgone.
All it took to get rid of that last stubborn layer of fat was telling my supposed boyfriend that I loved him while crying from my nose and not eating for days afterwards because I felt on edge and totallynauseous!
And no, I wasn't pregnant. I got my period the day we got back from Cannon Beach--the perfect excuse to not see him for a few days--not that he was begging to seeme.
Hewasn't.
He wasn't avoiding me, but he didn't ask to seeme.
He texted me once every morning, noon and night, to check in, like a boyfriendapp.
Brad was benchingme.
I was almost sure ofit.
Ionly hadtwo sessions left with Sebastian. I filled out the weeklyquestionnaire.
What is your ultimate goal for the personal training sessions? – Endurance andflexibility.
Why? — So I can roll with the punches. And also punch Mitch for as long as necessary, from differentangles
Water? – Tons! Enough to drown Brad Mitchellin!
Strengths? — Determined to get throughthis
Weaknesses? BradMitchell
Body –9
Energy –9
Confidence level –6
Sense of well-being –6.25
Yeah.In certain ways, I felt worse off than when I’d started. I was completely certain that it was temporary, but I decided to lie about it in the version that I actually sent to Sebastiananyway.
I tried to convince myself that this was Brad’s final gift to me as a personal trainer—that he knew that stress was what I needed to burn those extracalories.
I’d hada good day at work and was almost happy when I went to the gym. I’d gone out for lunch with Frankie and the other paralegals because it was one of their birthdays, and I still had a little bit of a champagne buzz by evening. I almost didn’t care that I finally told Brad that I loved him and he didn’t say it back. I didn’t care about that when I’d said “I love you” to him. I hadn’t cared about it when he was kissing me or fucking me. I found it odd that he didn’t even say it when he climaxed. Now that so many days had passed since I’d said it, and we were in such a weird place, I really wasn’t sure where I stood with him. Maybe it was over. Like, all over. Had I really ruined everything by telling him how Ifelt?
Or…
Or.
Or had I just internalized all of the blame for what happened to Brad in high school? Was I now blaming myself for absolutely everything? Holy shit—was I in an unhealthy relationship withhim?
No.
No?
No.
