Page 56 of The Flirtation
“But Natalie.”I thought you were smart. I thought you were sensible. I thought you were sane.“Shouldn’t you just go for a visit first? Spend a little time with him, before deciding to actually move there? There are tax implications for an American living in the UK, youknow?”
“I know. I don’t care. I love him. He lovesme.”
“But…what if it doesn’t workout?
She shrugged. “What’s the point of worrying if a relationship won’t work out? If it doesn’t I’ll either move back here and be sad for a while and then get over it and move on, or I’ll stay there and be sad for a bit and move on. We sparked. A lot. I want to see what happensnext.”
I wished I could inject her fearless, healthy attitude into a pill and swallow it. I convinced myself that she was twenty-two and could still afford to take that kind of risk, financial and otherwise. But I knew that even at twenty-two, I myself would not have been so easy-breezy about love or anything else for thatmatter.
I got up and hugged her and genuinely wished her the best of luck. I thought about texting Luke about this, but…it would only highlight my own inability to get on a plane and be withhim.
Istayedat the office late that night, and fell asleep on the sofa. I awoke to the sound of knocking on my door, and opened my eyes to see Magda’s sweet, concernedface.
“Hello?” she said. “You okay in here? Needwater?”
I realized that I had fallen asleep cradling a bottle of red wine in my arm. Classic. “Oh no, I’m fine, look—I only drank half the bottle.” I sat up, put the bottle on the floor, and rubbed my face. “I didn’t mean to fallasleep.”
Magda was dusting the furniture. “I was happy to not see you for a while, but I did missyou.”
“I missed you too, Magda. I’ve been sleeping at home,” I said,apologetically.
“I thought perhaps you in London? With handsome Englishman?”
“Nope. Not inLondon.”
“Where is that polite handsome Englishman?”
“Not here, Magda. He’s nothere.”
She smacked the feather duster against the top of my desk, startling me. She was about to reprimand me, of course, but then she saw how sad I was, and decided againstit.
“I’msorry.”
“Metoo.”
“For the best, I’m sure. You good girl. Things work out for you, some other way, yeah?” She patted me on theshoulder.
“Yeah. Sure. Thanks,Magda.”
Later that morning, I emailed Ingrid and Bucket and told them that I would not be able to attend their wedding in London, due to a family commitment. My nephew’s eighth birthday party was planned for the weekend before, but they didn’t have to know that. I just couldn’t bear to see Luke at awedding.
Luke
Ihad gone morethan a month without texting or IMing Avery. I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle Skyping with her. I had never felt so torn about a woman before. I desperately wanted to see her and hear her voice, but I was certain that if I did I’d get on the first plane to New York and make a fool of myself. She needed her space, that was clear, and I respected her enough to give it to her. But it was very difficult to refrain from IMing her after meeting her former assistant Natalie. She and William were so sweet together—it would have made Avery vomit. It would have been like forcing her to watch the end of every romantic comedy ever made. But I realized that Avery was probably losing her mind dealing with income tax forms, so I mused about it to myself. Good for Natalie and William. So that was two successful transatlantic mergers that could be attributed to Avery and me. That wassomething.
I had come dangerously close to making a promise that I might not have been able to keep, when we were in New York together. Everything turned out for the best, I’m sure. I wondered if she would be bringing a date to Ingrid and Bucket’s wedding. I had not RSVP’d yet. I thought about what I had written on the note that I put into a shell, that evening on the Bahamas beach. If only I’d taken my ownadvice.
