Page 53 of The Flirtation
“Avery. Do the rightthing!”
Again,Luke and I barely spoke during the ride home. I pretended to sleep, and he pretended not to care that it was so bloody obvious I was pretending to sleep. He took my hand and my hand automatically squeezed it. My brain was being a crazy bitch but my body just wanted to touch him and make him feel good. It was so much feeling. It was so many feelings. I had spent the last thirteen years building the kind of life that was supposed to be a fortress that protected me from thesefeelings.
When we got backto my place, we slept in my bed, until six. We did not spoon. He was too tired and it was too cold to go running, so he gave himself a break. I was about to give him a break too. I was going to give him a way out, the only way out that he knew—out the door and away from the crazy lady who didn’t live in the same country ashim.
I don’t even remember how I started picking a fight with him. It may have been about a toothbrush, but it led to: “I mean you obviously only slept with me because I don’t live in the same country as you or even on the same continent—and guess what—that’s great! That’s exactly why I shagged youtoo!”
He was exasperated, but also still amused by me. “Don’t say shagged—you aren’t allowed to say ‘shagged’ unless you’reBritish.”
“Well I’m definitely not British, which is why you banged me, which is mypoint.”
“Which is not true—the truth, Avery, is that I think the reason I’ve been doing that for the past year is that I didn’t want to get seriously involved with anyone because I wanted to stay available foryou.”
Well, that is…unexpected.What am I supposed to do withthat?
“Look, you’re anxious about the future, I understand. I amtoo.”
“I’m not anxious—I have a plan for the future and this was never a part of it. I’m glad we had this time together—you’re wonderful. You are truly wonderful, and you should go back to your Chiaras and your Amelies and I’ll go back to mycareer.”
“Wait—how do you know aboutChiara?”
Shit.“I mean, you must have mentioned her when you were talking about yourgirlfriends.”
“I don’t recall discussing my girlfriends with you, and she is not mygirlfriend.”
“Okay fine—I saw your phone! Okay? It was on your bed back at the villa and I saw the names. I didn’t read the messages—I’m not crazy. But I mean, whoah, those ladies are mad at you for some reason, huh? I’m guessing because you’re more focused on your career than on them—which is why we’re so perfectly not perfect for each other, if you know what Imean.”
“I do know what youmean.”
“Youdo?”
“Yes. Why don’t you come visit me in twoweeks?”
“What?! No—I can’t just leave townagain.”
“Why not? If you leave on a Thursdaynight—”
“No I can’t—I’ve barely even gotten home from the Bahamas—I haven’t even had time to read The Wall Street Journal in a week! You expect me to just drop everything—everything I’ve been working for my whole adult life and just go to London to have sex with youagain?”
“Well no, just that last part.” I didn’t laugh. I wanted to, but I didn’t. He seemed unfazed. “Fine, I can come back here. In amonth.”
“I didn’t inviteyou.”
“Oh…Right.”
I took a deep breath.Here goes. Deploy Level Four Crazy.“Look, if you’re really serious about this, then you need to know that I am a member of the Transhumanistparty.”
“Thewhat?”
“I am an alien conspiracy theorist. I am devoted to the philosophies ofZoltan.”
“Uh huh.” He could see right throughme.
“I can send you a pamphlet, or you can read about itonline.”
“Right.”
“So. Cards out on thetable.”
