Page 50 of The Flirtation
We literally spent five minutes arguing about whether or not my buying Jackson an inner tube made me responsible for his broken arm. It was ridiculous. We barely spoke on the ride to Queens, largely because Luke kept nodding off. I texted my sister that he was coming and wrote:do not humiliateme
My brother-in-law Jimmyopened their apartment door before I’d even knocked. Jimmy was a great guy. Cute. Down-to-earth. Just the right amount of nerdy. Great husband and father. I was fully prepared to murder him if he embarrassed me in front of Luke, even though I was fully aware that I had been embarrassing myself pretty much since DayOne.
“Hey Ave. I can’t believe you guys actually came tonight, get inhere.”
I could tell from the way that Jimmy was grinning at me and Luke that my sister had just explained to him who Luke is, that we’ve had sex, that I spooned him while sleep-walking, and that my previous boyfriend was a plug-in vibrator. Jimmy hadn’t met one of my dates in about three years, and the last time was an accident because we ran into him at a Yankees game. I always made it a point to fly solo missions to family get-togethers, in order to avoid having to explain to them why so-and-so isn’t coming to Thanksgiving this year, and to keep the guys from getting any information about me from my family that I don’t want them knowing. Like what a lame love life I’ve had. I was pleading with Jimmy, with my eyes, to becool.
“You must be Sir Flirt—I mean you must be Luke!” he says, grabbing Luke and pulling him in for a bro-hug.
“An you must beJimmy.”
“Pleased to meet you, jolly good old chap, welcome welcome. Join theparty.”
I rolled myeyes.
Jackie held out her hand to shake Luke’s. “I’m Jackie the big sister, it’s so nice to meet you, you’re very handsome and clean. Sorry our place is such a mess, it has been cuckoo bananas insane aroundhere.”
“It’s so nice to meet you, Jackie, I wish it were under better circumstances and you both seem very nice and clean aswell.”
“Oh my God say my nameagain.”
“Jackie.”
“It’s not that different, but it’ssodifferent,right?”
Please kill menow.
“I already want to kiss him.” Jimmy patted Luke on theback.
“Perhaps we should have a drink first,” said Luke, without missing abeat.
Jimmy and Jackie burst out laughing. “Boy do we need one! Good show, good show, old chap.” Jimmy gave me the thumbsup.
“Soooo,” I said. “Where’s the injuredchild?”
“He’s in his room, with his leg proppedup.”
“Is he still inpain?”
“He’s on ibuprofen. He’s fine. He’s just itchy under thecast.”
As we headeddown the hallway to Jackson’s room, I tried to distract Luke from the gallery wall of framed family photos, especially the ones of me when I was a dorky teenager. “Is this you? You had braces? You’re socute.”
“Nope, not me, identical cousin. I never had braces or weird bangs,ever.”
“Oh my God you should see her class photo from sophomore year—Babe where is that?” Jimmy nudged Jackie,laughing.
“Um, it’s up your ass with your head,Babe.”
“I’ll leave it to my imagination, thanks.” Luke squeezed myhand.
When we got to Jackson’s room, Franny was holding Mr. Bunny up in Jackson’s face, making the enormous stuffed animal do a dance, and saying in some bizarre squeaky voice, “Mr. Bunny says get better now! Mr. Bunny commandsyou!”
“Get out of my face Mr. Bunny,” saidJackson.
Franny screamed at him. “Mr. Bunny will kill you! He will eat yourface!”
“Franny!” Jackie, Jimmy and I all yelled ather.
