Page 32 of The Flirtation
“’Take yourvitamins.’”
“Maybe we should just write down a quote from a romantic comedy and be done withit.”
“No way,” she said, no longer smiling. “Romantic comedies are alie."
"Is thatso?"
"Don't watch 'em, won't quote 'em."
"Really? You don't watch romanticcomedies?"
"Especially not the ones from the Nineties. Way toosweet."
"How dare they?" I could use this to my advantage, I thought. "No rom coms from the Nineteen Nineties,eh?"
She stuck her finger down her throat and made a gagging sound. I could tell she regretted doing that, thinking she’d done something crass, but she wasadorable.
I'm just going to say it. I need to say it, to see how she reacts, and then if she runs away screaming I can explain to her that it was ajoke.
After a moment, I cleared my throat, angled myself towards her a bit more, and forced myself to stutter: “Sorry, sorry. I just, ehm, well, this is a very stupid question and... particularly in view of our recent shell-shopping excursion, but I just wondered, by any chance, ehm, eh, I mean obviously not because I’m just some git who’s only slept with nine people, but I-I just wondered...”She's not running away. She’s smiling. She's buying this. Good Lord is she actually falling for this rubbish Hugh Grant bit? He's ridiculous, why do women like him?I went on rambling and stuttering. “Ehh. I really feel, ehh, in short, to recap it slightly in a clearer version, uh, in the words of David Cassidy in fact, while he was still with The Partridge Family, ‘I think I love you,’ and eh, I-I just wondered if by any chance you wouldn't like to... Eh... Eh... No, no, no of course not... I'm an idiot, he's not... Excellent, excellent, fantastic, lovely to see you, sorry to disturb... Better geton...”
She was positively beaming at me. "That was very romantic," shesaid.
I think that's what Andie MacDowell said in the film. “Well, I thought it over a lot, you know, I wanted to get it justright.”
She covered her face and laughed, shaking her head. She was blushing. “That was one of my mom’s favorites. She made me watchFour Weddings and a Funeralabout twenty times before I implemented my rule. Your impression was spot on! Even more charming than Hugh Grant, if I may sayso.”
“I knew it was impossible you hadn’t seenanyromanticcomedies.”
“I didn’t say I hadn’t seen any, I said I don’t watch them.” She was really fidgeting and blushing, she couldn’t look at me anymore. “In case you're wondering, I also do not watch reality television or competitionshows.”
“Not even cookingshows?”
“Food is a necessity it is not a game. Cupcakes should not induce stress, they are stressrelievers.”
“But what about educational food porn cookingshows?”
“I don't have cable, but that sounds really good tome.”
“So what do youwatch?”
She stared out at the water. “My budget. My weight. My language. Where I'm going...” She slapped her hand to her forehead. “Oh my God I'm so boring! I was too busy working to notice how boring Iam!”
I laughed. “You never relax, doyou?”
“I just did—I relaxed the shit out of myself!” She covered her mouth. “You misheard me—I am a lady!” She half-turned towards me. “Wait, do you relax? I mean,normally.”
“On the weekends, ofcourse.”
She seemed to be genuinely surprised by this. “Really? You work hardandyou playhard?”
“I work hard and I enjoy my weekends,” I said, but what I wanted to say was:I wish I could enjoy my weekends withyou.
“Really?”
“Yes, why don'tyou?”
She looked down at the sand. “I don't know anymore. If I could feel like this every weekend, Iwould.”
