Page 11 of The Flirtation
“Because you’re afraid you’ll fall in love with him and you aren’t capable of making a realcommitment?”
“Excuse me, I am the most committed person I know—besidesLuke.”
“Sounds like a match to me! Why can’t you let yourself behappy?”
“You honestly think I’ll be happier if I fall in love with a man who lives inLondon?”
That shut her up for three whole seconds. I guess part of me was hoping she’d convince me that I would definitely be happier if I fell in love with a man who lived in London—but that was a losing argument and my sister would never willingly lose an argument. “Answer me this: do you even flirt with anyone else atwork?”
“Of course not! I basically glue my legs shut and stare at the floor when I have lunch or dinner meetings withmen.”
“Exactly.”
“No, not exactly—it’s different when you’re in the same room withthem.”
“So you flirt with Sir Flirty McFlirtson because you feelsafe.”
I thought about it for a second. “Yes.”
“And did you feel safe because he was a million miles away and you figured you’d never meethim?”
“Obviously!”
Jackie went silent for a moment, in quiet big sisterly judgment. I busied myself with packing and braced myself. “You remember when you were in junior high and I wanted to take you to the Rocky Horror Picture Show with me and my friends and you were like, terrified and refused for months and even had nightmares about it because you thought it was some kind of horrific scary movie that psychos went to, and then on Hallowe’en Jimmy and I basically kidnapped you and you had the best time ever and wouldn’t stop doing The Time Warp for ayear?”
I did remember. “I have no memory of that.” I knew exactly where she was going withthis.
“It’s like that. Whenever you resist something or someone to this degree, you always end up going nuts forit.”
Exactly. I can’t afford to go nuts for this guy. Duh.“That’s not entirely true,” I said. “I hatedkimchiexactly as much as I thought I would.” I sat down on my bed and suddenly went full-on drama queen. “I can’t handle a transatlantic relationship at this point in my life! You honestly want me to move to London to be with him?! I couldn’t just move in with him right away, you know, I’d have to get my own flat just in case things don’t work out, and rent’s even more expensive there than it is here—yes I’ve looked into it for my clients not because I was making plans—and what would I do for work? I’d need a work visa and I mean I barely even understand Brexit and the EUC, how can I be a business manager in England?! How?! I thought you liked me. I thought you liked having mearound.”
“Uh, first of all, take a deep breath and calm down. Secondly, we see you like six times a year in person, and we mostly communicate through our phones anyway so I’m not sure what the difference would be. And third, who’s talking about moving to London—just have a quickie fling! It doesn’t have to turn into anything and it doesn’t have to change anything. What happens in the Bahamas stays in the Bahamas.” She stared at her phone and watched my face, surprised to see that I was actually considering this, so she went a little easier on me. “Maybe you should just have sex with him once first, you know, and then worry about the rest of your life later. That’s kind of what people do in this type ofsituation.”
“Excuse me—it’s my job to consider the financial consequences of major life changes before people makethem.”
“Well, it’s my job to encourage my little sister to get laid moreoften.”
I took a deep breath then exhaled. “I’m nervous. This feels like a bigdeal.”
“Okay,” she said, and I could tell she was changing tactics. “You know, some people look a lot better on camera than they do in reallife.”
“This really isn’thelping.”
She dipped out of frame as she picked toys up off the floor. “He might begay?”
“Well now you aren’t eventrying.”
Her head popped back up as she said, totally straight-faced: “You’re forgetting the most likelypossibility.”
“What’sthat?”
“He might not find you attractive. He’ll be completely repelled by your neurotic American ass and won’t want to have anything to do withyou.”
I went silent. I knew she was joking, but part of me was terrified of the prospect of being rejected by the one man on earth who’d held my interest for a full year. What if I really was just some silly American business associate to him? Surely he was used to dating countesses or European ballerinas or billionairebusinesswomen.
“Hey,” she said. “I was one hundred percent kidding. He’s nuts aboutyou.”
I stared into my underwear drawer. “I have togo.”
