Page 109 of The Sovereign: Part One
I spun, grabbed him by the lapel, and yanked him through the veil of cascading florals into our narrow, hidden alcove.
“Whoa,” he said, hands up, startled.“Easy, Is!”
“What iswrongwith you?”I hissed.“Can’t you see she’s barely holding it together?You should’ve ended this absurd conquest weeks ago!”
His eyes went to Bellam instantly.She had turned away, but her shoulders were tight, trembling slightly, betraying the tears her silence tried to hide.
“What happened?Bell, are you all right?”he asked, leaning to see past me.
She turned to us, a sheen still beneath her eyes.Her smile was fragile in a way I’d never seen from her before.“It’s nothing.Isara is being silly.I’m fine.”
“No,” he said, stepping forward with caution, as if too sudden a movement might cause her to run.“You’re clearly upset.Please… talk to me.Last night was perfect, wasn’t it?I thought… I thought it was.But you haven’t answered any of my messages.You barely spoke when I met you at the Skith port.Bellam…” His voice faltered.“What’s changed?”
Her lips parted, but no words came.
“Darling,” he begged, stepping forward just a step.“You’re not all right.You were happier than I’d ever seen you at dinner, all evening.”His voice faltered.“What… what did I do?”
Her lips parted, but no words came.When he reached to brush the tear that had gathered beneath her eye, she turned away.
“Nothing has changed.”She said the words as if they hurt her.“That’s the problem, Roan.”
“My love, if I have wounded you—by word or deed—it was unintentional, I assure you.The shame of it will haunt me.I would sooner suffer a thousand regrets than be the cause of even one of yours,” he said, reaching for her.
“My lo—?”I stepped in, sharp and swift, placing myself between them.“Roan, this has to stop.You’ve always struggled with being told no.Bellam saw through the charm.It’s not the end of the world.But persisting like this is unfair to her.I know it’s uncomfortable, and it may even bruise something in you.You can’t dress it up in Brontë and desperate declarations.If this is truly about love, then say so.But if it’s about being refused… have the decency to admit that, too.”
His hands dropped to his sides.“I didn’t mean to hurt her,” he said, barely above a whisper.“Whatever I did… whatever I said… I’m sorry, Bellam.Truly.”
“So, you didn’t mean it,” Bellam said.
Roan stepped around me, taking her hands in his.“I’ve never said a word to you I didn’t mean.Not once.Not even the first moment.”
Bellam looked into his eyes, then pulled her hands away.“This is ridiculous,” she said, desperately trying to form a smile.“Spending time with you was lovely, Roan.It was.But Isara is right.It’s getting messy.We should just focus on our individual responsibilities, and futures, and… you were fun.My Bacchanal Years are over.”She shrugged.“It’s time to grow up.”
“Lovelyandfun,” Roan said, looking as if he were trying to swallow a stone.
Bellam nodded to him, then gestured for me to follow her back to the gala, but she hadn’t taken more than a few steps before he stopped her.
“Would you… would you dance with me?”he asked, even more desperate than before.“It’s a party, after all… our first one together.”
Bellam glanced over her shoulder for anyone who might be watching.“We shouldn’t.”
He breathed out as if he’d been struck in the gut, and his shoulders sank.
“Roan,” I breathed out, stunned.“She truly matters to you.”
“No.I mean yes, but,” Roan started, then looked directly at Bellam, pleading in his eyes.“Bell, I’m in love with you.”
She choked on a laugh, tears now streaming.
He stepped forward and took her face gently in his trembling hands, as if holding something too precious to risk.“It isn’t passing, Bellam.This—whatever you want to call it—it’s a ruinous sort of longing.It hurts to be away from you.I go looking for you in every quiet moment, in every silence that should feel like peace but doesn’t in your absence andneverwill.You’ve settled into the marrow of me.I see no path ahead that doesn’t end with you.”His voice faltered, just once.“Iloveyou, Bellam.Hopelessly.Entirely.”He leaned down to kiss her, taking her into his arms and holding her close.She reached for him with both fists clenched in the fabric of his tux jacket, kissing him back.
“Ohhhh no,” I breathed out.
When they parted, Roan kept her close.For the first time, he seemed hopeful.“Dance with me.”
Roan offered his hand, and Bellam, after the briefest hesitation, placed hers in his.He led her to the center of the pavilion just as the music pivoted slowly into a mournful waltz, something orchestral and aching, threaded with melancholy strings that seemed to hover in the air, a breath suspended in time.The lights above them dimmed to a muted gold, casting their silhouettes against the translucent panels beneath their feet.
He drew her close, one arm wrapped gently around her waist, the other guiding her hand to his shoulder.She didn’t resist.They danced as if memorizing each step, each breath, each brush of skin, as if willing the moment to imprint itself into memory, something neither of them ever wanted to forget.
