Page 19 of Prudence
The hardest part of moving to London would be leaving him. I hadn’t told him yet because I wanted to tell him in person rather than saying it in a text or over the phone. I mean, I loved my family with all my heart, but they were a constant. No matter if I went away and came back, my parents would always be there. But Derek. I felt like if I left then that would be it. Sure, we could continue our friendship with calls and texts and social media, but was it worth it?
I adored him, but I could never truly be with him, not unless I wanted to betray my aunt. My aunt who’d just offered me the solution to my troubles, who was prepared to pay for my college education and let me live in her apartment rent-free in London.
Aunt Nell had been there for me my entire life. And in return for her love and care, I would deny myself Derek Balfe. It was my cross to bear.
“Quit tugging at your skirt,” Tara scolded on our walk to the train station. “You look incredible. Own it.”
“I agree,” Nuala put in. “I don’t know how you manage to have such amazing legs when they’re so short, but you do. They need to be shown off.”
“Hey! I’m five-foot-four,” I protested. “I’m hardly a hobbit. Plus, these shoes bring me up to a respectable five-foot-seven.”
“The magic of heels,” Celine said with a big grin, the shine of vodka in her pretty hazel eyes. She’d gotten amazing results today, which would allow her to study Theoretical Physics at Trinity. We were supposed to go there together, andwe’d commiserated back at Tara’s house when I’d arrived and informed them of my new plan to move to London with Aunt Nell. There’d been a few tears shed, and Nuala, in particular, seemed like she was going to miss me a lot. We’d only been friends for a year, but she’d become an intrinsic part of our little group. Nuala was going to study Irish and French as part of an Arts degree, while Tara planned on going to culinary school because she’d always wanted to become a chef.
When we arrived at the station, lots of other people of various ages were waiting, all dressed up for a night out on the town. Just as the train arrived and we all huddled onto a carriage, Derek, Aidan and Theo appeared.
“I didn’t know you were going out tonight,” Nuala exclaimed with a grin when she saw her brother and his friends.
“We go out in town all the time nowadays,” Aidan told her as we boarded the train and went to search for some seats. “It’s the best way to get laid,” he went on, and Tara rolled her eyes. I internally deflated at his statement because that could mean Derek was sleeping with girls, too, on these nights out in town. I didn’t have the emotional headspace to deal with how jealous that made me. I had no right to be jealous, not when I’d already made peace with the fact that I could never be with him.
My heart sped up when Derek’s hand gently touched my elbow, guiding me into a free two-seater with him. The others sat in the empty seats nearby, and I inhaled a deep breath before levelling my gaze on him. He looked good in his forest green shirt and dark jeans, his hair stylishly mussed. Like always, I just wanted to run my fingers through it.
“Hey,” he breathed, eyes skating briefly over the short hem of my dress, and I was glad that the neckline was high because I wasn’t sure my libido could handle his hot gaze on my cleavage, too. When his eyes lifted to mine, they were curious and hopeful. “How was Spain?”
“It was good,” I replied, nervously bobbing my head. “How’s your summer been?”
Derek groaned and let his head fall back against the seat. “Exhausting. They’ve really been putting me through my paces at the hotel.” He turned a little, meeting my gaze. “Sorry I haven’t been in touch as often. I’ve been working, like, sixty hours a week and barely have time to sleep let alone do anything else.”
“That sounds rough,” I replied, my voice a little breathless as relief swept over me. So, it wasn’t a girlfriend keeping him from texting, merely work. Again, I had no right to be relieved, but I suspected I’d never meet anyone quite like Derek Balfe again, and I wanted to savour the short time we had left together.
He nudged me with his shoulder, distracting me from my thoughts. “So … how did it go this morning?”
His question had me deflating. “Not exactly as I was hoping,” I replied glumly. “I’m ten points shy of the requirement.”
Derek’s face fell, empathy marking his features as he pulled me into a hug. “Fuck, Milly. I’m sorry.”
I sank into his embrace, not realising how much I craved it, how I needed his familiar scent and warmth, his strong arms and hard body. I’d become accustomed to his company. All this year, he’d been a balm to my nervous tension, helping me to relax whenever exam stress got to be too much. How on earth was I going to survive without him in London?
At long last, I pulled back, and his eyes searched mine while our friends chatted in the seats ahead. “So, what now?”
My lip trembled. I wasn’t so keen to tell him the plan, but it needed to be said. Derek deserved to know I was leaving because, above everything else, he’d been an amazing friend to me this past year, and I felt awful leaving him. “Well, my aunt suggested I move to London and live with her. There’s a preparatory course I can do over there to qualify to studymedicine at a UK university, and she’s willing to pay for it and everything.”
Derek studied me, his expression difficult to read. There was only a faint flicker in his jaw. “Are you going to go?”
My heart panged because his tone held a gruffness that belied deeper feelings. It told me he was working through some difficult emotions at the news that I would be moving away. “I can’t repeat the Leaving Cert. The thought of it just fills me with dread. I’d rather move on, try another route.”
His hand came to rest on my shoulder, clasping firmly. “No, you’re right. Going to London is an incredible opportunity.” He swallowed thickly, like the words were hard to get out. “You should go.”
I blinked at him in surprise. “Really?”
He nodded, then let out a sad, quiet laugh. “Of course, I hate the idea of you leaving, and I’ll miss you like crazy, but it would be selfish to tell you not to take the chance to fulfil your dream.”
His words had emotion clogging my throat. He was such a good, kind-hearted, selfless person. If this last year taught me anything, it was that Derek really was nothing like his dad. I couldn’t imagine him doing anything as callous as what Padraig had done to Aunt Nell.
Unbidden, a tear fell down my cheek. “Hey, what’s this for?” Derek asked as he swiped it away with his thumb.
“I’m going to miss you, t-too,” I whispered, my voice catching at the end.
Derek cupped each of my cheeks. “It’s not the end. London is hardly a million miles away. I can come visit you, and I’m sure you’ll be home to see your family throughout the year.”
