Page 67 of The Devil's Detail
He’s added me into the Greystone world. And I can't even be happy about it. As I might fail their tests.
I stand, bringing us virtually nose to nose. “I understand. I’m sorry I never told you. I don’t really have an excuse, only explanations. I understand the trust thing. I’m usually on the shit end of it. Someone breaking mine again, as you know. To do that to you is one of the worst things I could have done. But I love you, Jackson. Amin lovewith you. I’ll wait. I’ll wait for you, baby.”
I turn and walk out of his office.
If only this were a movie, where the hero thinks for a beat then rushes out to grab the person he loves. Tells them it will all be alright, that they love them more than life itself.
But this is no movie. This is my life. I only act in the movies, not live them.
41
Jackson
One of themost sublime looking men on this planet just walked out of my office. After telling me he loves me. Isinlove with me. And I just told him I love him, but that I’m not going to… can’t be with him.
I’ve officially lost my marbles.
I sink down onto my couch and don’t move for about an hour.
Finally, I dial Evie. “Carter’s been,” I state. My tone is as flat as Kell's Ferrari on a bad day.
I hear her gasp. “Were you nice, Jackson? Did you let him down gently?”
“He told me he loves me. Has fallen for me. Is still in love with me.” I sound like a robot. Words spoken, but no feeling or understanding.
“Ohh, Jackson.” I can hear her tears down the phone. She’s sniffling at me. “Did you tell him you love him?”
I nod, but of course she can’t hear a nod. So I whisper, “Yes.”
She gasps. Then silence.
“Are you seeing him again?”
“I’m going to Ireland in an hour. He’s going to Italy tomorrow to film,” I answer, fully nondescript.
“That’s not what I asked and you know it.”
I grin despite myself. There was never any getting off the hook. The moment I dialled, I knew that.
I let out a big sigh. “I don’t know. It’s the trust, Evie. He didn’t trust himself or me enough to come clean. Thought I’d run, or tell him to fuck off out of my life.”
“And would you have?”
“We’ll never know now, will we. He never afforded me that luxury of making a decision. I can only make it on the facts now. And the fact is he fucking lied. And only came clean ‘cos he had to. If he’d have not gotten that part, he’d never have said.”
“You don’t know that. He may have told you. Like you said, we’ll never know now.” She’s as crafty as Jonno in calling you on your shit. “You can’t have it both ways. Slag him off and hold it against him for not doing something, and you taking credit for something you may or may not have done. Think you’ll have to call that a draw.” She’s arguing rationally now. Lovely.
“Look, go to Ireland, be with Jonno and the family there. Stay for a while. I’d rather you stay there for Christmas, with him.” She pauses. “I can’t go see the baby. The doctor’s told me today I can’t travel. I’m going to have to have my babies here in LA.” Her voice wobbles a bit, and I don’t know if it’s to do with not being able to go see little Shay, or the worry over her own health.
“What the fuck? Why did you let me ramble on? I’m staying here. Is something wrong?” She must hear the panic in my voice.
“No, nothing serious. My blood pressure is up a bit, and they don’t want to risk it. Tarron’s upset we’re not going to Scotland for New Year, but it’s only one year. We’ll go next year.”
“How’s Kell?” I ask, already knowing the answer.
She sighs. “You can imagine. Every time I turn around, he’s a step behind me. With a worried look on his face. Look, stopfussing about me. I’m fine. I’ve got the best medical care money can buy. I’ve even booked myself into a suite at a hospital. Kell keeps going and checking the distances. Timing it. He intends to go every hour of every day, so he knows the traffic conditions the lot.” She starts to laugh. “Go see Jonno. FaceTime me every day. I can’t wait to hold my new nephew. He looks beautiful. Dark like Jonno. With a cupid bow in his lips. Gorgeous.”
“I will. I’ll give myself a bit of a timeout. Again. Seems to be the go-to for dating Carter.”
