Page 48 of Thick as Thieves
I must be deranged.I’ve just left the loves of my life in a room together, walked out on a pivotal night in our lives together. All I can think about is them, and yet here I am, trudging my way to speak to a man who I know loves me, and I love him, just not in the way he wants.
But Gabe has worried me for weeks. I could see how emotional he was when Evie came on tour. He was going through women like water. He’d even called Texas and Tiff to come out. Texas had agreed, but as yet hasn’t turned up.
He and Levi had at least five women to play with tonight, and I knew it wouldn’t be enough for him. But it can no longer be with me. We need to sort things out.
I walk back into the tent, the stage and booths still have people in them and on them. I’m not surprised to see that the man on the stage is Gabe. He likes a show.
He looks at me when I stride back in and grins at me. I think I see hope in his face even as he’s smacking the girl in front of him on the arse, slamming into her harder and harder. She’s groaning out in pleasure. All the people around me are fucking at the pace being set on the stage.
I just stand there, feeling not even a flicker of regret. Or anything actually, my cock staying well and truly down. The only time it moves is when I imagine what Xan might be doing to Evie. Then it definitely wakes up.
I turn away from the stage and walk to the back wall of the tent, blending into the shadows, and wait. He’ll come over when he’s done. I know it won’t be long.
As suspected, in practically no time at all, he stands in front of me, no shirt, just his jeans. An amazing looking guy, but his normally happy-go-lucky face is a total mask. I can see the fury behind it.
“Why him? Why did you not tell me what has been going on? For years, apparently, but you never said. You said you weren’t interested in men.”
“Because I’m not interested in men.”
“Fuck off, Marcus. You’re fucking Xander, what is he?” His arms are flailing around.
“I’m not interested in men in general, just Xander. If it wasn’t Xander, there would be no other men. Besides, we have never ‘been together.’ We fuck now and then, that’s it.”
“You expect me to believe that bullshit? We’ve ‘been together’ as a band for years and I’ve never seen you fuck him. Even when you both had women together, you never touched each other.”
“Watching were you?” He is fucking pissing me off. Who the fuck does he think he is, ragging on me.
“Yes I was watching, you selfish prick.” Gabe is starting to lose his cool.
“Gabe, I told you no. I always told you no. In fucking university, I was very clear. I told you, time and time again, what I do with anyone else is up to me.” I’m trying to hang onto my temper. I know he’s more upset than angry, really.
“I fucking know. I heard you. But you could have said. I wanted you, and you know it.”
He’s laying it all out there, but I shake my head sadly at him. We’re going around in circles.
“Gabe, I love you as a brother and bandmate, but nothing else. I’m sorry, but?—”
He steps forwards and kisses me, grabbing my head.
“Why him?” he gasps out when I push him back, his pupils fully dilated, he’s so turned on.
“Because it’s Xander. That’s as good an explanation as I can give. It just is, Gabe.” I’m exasperated with him, wiping my hand across my mouth. I don’t want to hurt him anymore than he already is.
“What am I supposed to do now? Watch the happy trio on tour?” he snarls at me.
Things become very clear for me as I watch his reaction. As I think about what life looks like going forward. “I want them on tour with me. I want my kids on tour with me. I would want your partners or kids on tour with us, anyone who belongs to us. But if you’re saying you can’t do it, then we won’t go on tour.”
He laughs at me. “You’d fuck me and Levi off? Break up the band for them both?” His face is a picture of disbelief.
I nod emphatically. “I would. They’re part of me. I want them with me, end of story.” As I say it, I know with every fibre of my being that it’s true. If he can’t get that, then tough.
“I always knew you were a selfish cunt, Marcus, but this…” He’s jabbing his finger at my chest and I’ve had it.
I hit back.
“And you’re not? You want me to go against what I want for you? Just so you’re fucking happy? Well you wouldn’t be for long. Because I wouldn’t be. And we both know how that plays out.” I’m prodding him back now. “A fucking disaster. You brought those women, helped them keep me drugged up and in oblivion, fuelling shit so I wouldn’t go to Evie. Don’t think I don’t know how you fucking helped them, because it helped you. Is that what you want? Is that the Marcus you want?” I’m raising my voice at him.
He’s shocked, I can see it in his eyes. “I never fueled anything. If they said I did, they lied. I wouldn’t have done that. I wanted you in LA, yes. I could see you were unhappy. But I didn’t help them. I just went with it. I know it was wrong, I should’ve helped you, but I didn't. I just took what you wanted to give.” He looks ashamed. I can see he’s genuine, so I step towards him.
