Page 34 of Thick as Thieves
She’s shaking her head. Fuck no, please don’t be a no. I go on, dead set on convincing her. “I want you the same way he does. As a wife. As a lover. As EVERYFUCKINGTHING. I want it all!” I’m shouting now and banging my chest, my heart is beating out of it. “I want it with you, but also him, all of us together. But he’s scared you’ll leave.” I point to my heart, “I’d rather you fucking leave than live this fucking lie and half-life we’re all living.”
I am in her face, my eyes wide and ready to stop her from leaving, certain she can feel the energy beating us to death in the room. “You’ve wanted to know what it is I ask for, what he asks for. Well, that is what I want, that’s it. I won’t apologise for it, but I don’t just want it for his birthday or mine. I want it for my fucking life. We’ve never played by any rules that were set out for us at birth. You know that. We’re not conventional men, never have been. But you’re the same. You’re the fucking same as us.”
I pull her onto the bed, holding her as she cries. Fuck, fuck, fuck. “Give us a chance, please.”
She sits up suddenly. “Who’s next? Levi? Gabe? I told you both I don’t want communal sex, it’s not what I want.” She is trying to push me away again and go.
“Not a chance. Stay, Evie. I don’t want sex. I can get that anywhere. I want fucking love. I want yours, ours. I’ve never made you any promises that I haven’t kept. I want you and I want him, completely and irrevocably. I’m not interested in anyone else. If that dream comes true for me, you, both of you, are it for me. Think about it, Evie. I know it’s a lot. it’s not something I expect you’ll understand right away, but I want it with every bit of me and my heart.”
She sits and then asks, “Does he? Does he want it all? Is it not enough then—me, the twins, James and Bucky—he wants more?” She laughs harshly. “I should’ve known we wouldn’t have been enough for him. Marcus fucking have-it-all Russell. And you, you’re no different. Take what you want when you want it. Leave it all behind when you’re done.” She stares at me, her eyes hard, protecting herself. “Why hasn’t he asked, the coward?”
“Too scared you’ll leave, worried you’d do what you’ve done. Assume it’s another step to an orgy. He knows he fucked up in France. He’d lost it, he was consumed by you. I wanted to be consumed by you. And none of us have been the same since.”
I take her hand, she just looks at me, blank. Fuck, I need to get her back.
“I needed to tell you, it’s me that’s pushing it, not Kell. We want to be with you, both of us.” I have tears in my eyes as I look into hers. “We’ll wait, I’ll wait, we want to be here with you. I want it all, and I know that’s selfish, but I do. I want you, with everything that I am, and it only got stronger when you had those babies. I want us to be a family. A big, fucked-up family, but one that loves each other. Because I have never loved anyone like I love you and Kell.”
15
Xander
“Why?!You fucking idiot, you’ve ruined it. She’ll fucking leave.” Marcus is shouting down the phone. I can hear the fear and the panic. I called him the minute I left her, sitting in a zombie-like state. She was utterly blank, trying to figure out what we’ve done. How we’ve messed it all up.
“I had to. Do you think it would have played out better if we were in a room? No, Marcus, she’d have definitely thought we played her then.” He didn’t see her face, the pain, the torment. I know I’m right.
“I’ll be there by 10:30. If she’s down at the party, then I suppose we’ll know.” He sounds totally depressed and defeated.
Turning up with everyone in tow, including the lost-now-found Gabe and the chilled-out Levi, his face is a mask of worry. I grab him, dragging him into the speak-a-word room, leaving the rest of them to Himself.
“Where is she? How is she?” are the first words out of his mouth. He looks thoroughly dishevelled, his hair a mess where he’s been running his hands through it. His lips looked bruised, he’s clearly been chewing them.
“Still in her room. The boys have been fed and are gone with the nanny for the night, but she’s not come out.” The panic seeping into my voice, it wobbles on the last bit.
“Has anyone gone in? Has Orla?” He’s trying to be rational. But with his whole life on the line, I can see his stress levels are off the scale, he’s twitching.
“No.” I shake my head at him. “Bug doesn’t want her involved. I’ve told him what’s what, but he thinks we should leave her to figure it out on her own.” I’m wringing my hands at this point.
“What did Bug say?”
I smile at him, thinking about the big Irishman getting tears in his eyes as I spilled my guts about how much I love Evie and his cousin.
“‘What took you so long?’ And he gave me a hug. You know how he is over Kitten.” It’s the only highlight in this mess.
“Fuck. I can’t believe you told her.” Marcus is bug-eyed, looking up at the ceiling. His eyebrows are up near his hairline. He clearly thinks I made a mistake.
“Fuck off, Marcus. You think ambushing her would have been better? I’m telling you no way. If what she said is anything to go by, she would have walked then. If it’s a No now, then fair enough. It’s been asked and all out in the open. It’s up to her now.” I’m trying to hang onto my sanity.
“We could have talked her around together.” He’s still trying to rationalise it. Think it through.
“No, we couldn't. She wouldn’t have been listening. She would have been in a fucking black tent trying to be fucked by two men again.”
He looks skyward, he knows he messed up last year in France.
“James told me to ask her, not play games,” I confess to him.
“You definitely haven’t done that!” He scrubs his hand down his face. “What shall I do? Shall I get ready for the party? Or just wait?” He truly has no clue what to do. Neither of us do. “I’ll get dressed,” he decides, “just in case this shit show sorts itself out.” He smiles at me. “I wasn’t having a go at you, Xan. It’s just, fuck, a shock you went for it.”
He smiles at me then looks me up and down. He’s never down for long. “You look good as Castor.” He spins me round. On the back of the perfectly fitted black suit is the name. Pulling out his suit, identical to mine with Pollux on the back, he asks, “Have you got the masks?”
