Page 55 of Alpha's Choice
It was easy for me now, and I knew I would take more than just a broken heart with me when I left. This power was mine to keep. A gift from the Goddess, perhaps. Or maybe it was always there, waiting for me to uncover.
Jenny’s fingers moved again, this time with more purpose. I watched as her eyes regained focus, anguish filling them as she whispered. “Goodbye, Neil.”
I wondered where her mind had been. Perhaps dreaming of her mate. She may not be thankful to be back among us.
“Jenny?” I was cautious, wondering if she’d be as accepting of my presence as her mother.
“Luna.” She turned her gaze on me, her mouth twisting in a bittersweet smile that only someone truly familiar with pain could give. “You came to see me.”
“Of course I did. But it’s just Emma, not Luna anymore.”
She gripped my hand tight. “I heard you. You rejected your mate.”
“I-” Words failed me for a moment. I took a deep breath, desperate to keep my emotions in check. “It’s for the best.”
“You rejected him because of me. It’s my fault.”
“No.” I shook my head. “It’s not.”
“Yes, it is. You thought you failed me as Luna.” She struggled to sit up, her voice hoarse. Helen rushed to help her, raising the head of the bed. “You didn’t.”
“It’s not just that.” I debated leaving it there, but I didn’t want Jenny to blame herself. “If anything happened to me, I worry about Tobias. I won’t be the cause of his pain.”
“I’m sure he’d rather have you and risk the pain than not have you.” Jenny spoke with the confidence of someone who had experienced that same pain. “It doesn’t seem fair to take that choice from him.”
I studied the tiles on the floor, letting my hair swing forward to block my face. Trying to hide the pain that must be evident all over it. But I couldn’t hide it from myself. The confession came out in whispers they could only hear thanks to their wolf hearing. “It’s me. The bond is too much for me. I’m not strong enough.”
Jenny reached out and touched my arm. “You are. You faced rejection day after day coming to see me. And you came here, unsure but willing to try.”
Her voice cracked, and Helen pulled a bottle of water out of her bag. She took it from her mother, her arm trembling as she raised it to take a drink. She played with the label on the bottle.
“I loved Neil with everything I am. Losing him is excruciating. But I wouldn’t trade the time I had with him.” Her gaze was direct and sure now. “Even if I live the rest of my life with this hole inside me, I still won’t regret the time we had.”
The doctor came in and sent us out so she could examine Jenny. I hugged Helen goodbye and left, my thoughts a jumble after talking to Jenny, who had experienced the very loss I feared for Tobias. Did I make a mistake in letting him go?
CHAPTER28
Emma
I was in the bedroom that was only mine for a week before meeting Tobias, laying on the bed, unable to settle my brain as it ran through everything that had happened since then.
I had been so close to accepting Tobias. He fit in a way I never expected. I never gave love or relationships much thought, and when I did, I didn’t picture Tobias.
Relationships were something that added to an already existing life, filling a bonus slot that wasn’t really necessary. But Tobias had wound his way throughout my very being until he touched every part of my life. He wasn’t content to just be an extra part.
I thought breakups would hurt, not devastate. But because he didn’t fit neatly in a slot, I had to tear him out, and part of me went with him. Gina had ice cream waiting for me back at her house, but I doubted ice cream would have any effect on my ravaged heart.
After talking to Jenny, I realized I had lied to Tobias. I told him I broke up with him for him. To avoid causing him pain. Because I couldn’t be the Luna he needed me to be. I tried to convince myself I was being selfless, giving him up for his well-being.
But it was selfish. I let fear take over. If it hurt this much to walk away before he marked me, what would happen to me if I lost him after? Would anything be strong enough to hold me together?
I remembered Jenny saying the pain of loss was worth the time she had with her mate. Could I be as strong as her? As brave, to risk facing life after a loss so devastating?
I stood up and headed downstairs. I didn’t have any answers, but I needed to see Tobias. It was wrong to reject him without talking to him about my fears. I could only hope it wasn’t too late to make things right.
* * *
Tobias
