Page 15 of Rogue If You Want To
I still hadn’t met everyone, some of the newer members were apprehensive about non-pack. I got it. They had every reason to be. It wasn’t as if I came baggage-free.
Nothing would stop my brother if he decided to come looking for me. Having me out there hanging over his head as unfinished business wasn’t something he’d allow. I wasn’t stupid enough to believe that I was truly safe, but with these people, I was as close to it as I could get.
Larkin and Creven had been great, letting me have the space I needed to heal, but also being there at mealtimes to make this feel more like a pack. Unlike my mate, I’d grown up and lived myentire life with a pack structure, and being yanked from that was more than just being separated from my brother or being on the run. It was a cut that ran really deep, and there was a sadness at not being part of a bevy or pack I hadn’t expected.
It was such a little thing, but eating with the pack made a difference.
Technically, Creven was Alpha, and I didn’t deny that was his place and role, but in a lot of ways, it felt like Auden was the one who was in charge. I’d heard a little bit about how they came to be pack but tried not to pry too much. Auden had been the Alpha initially, but then there was a challenge that didn’t result in death, and here we were. The not-to-the-death part was what I had so many questions about, but they would remain unanswered unless they decided to share. It just felt too rude and intrusive.
I’d spent the morning outside sitting with Larkin and Oak, who was toddling around and having a grand old time. He’d taken an immediate liking to me, and it was really sweet. There was nothing more comforting than hearing his laugh. How could there be harm in a place that brought such joy to someone so young and innocent?
My mate had been working on helping with some plumbing concerns, and it was near noon when he came over to see me. He’d taken leave at his job and was never too far from me… my protective mate. Despite that, we hadn’t spent a ton of alone time together, or rather, we did, but I was mostly sleeping during it. My body needed to heal and sleep was integral in that.
Our plan for today had been to spend the entire day together. Only, water issues decided to take that from us. And I was finewith that. They might not be our pack, but they were as close as we had, and pack helped each other.
“Have you eaten?” he asked.
I shook my head. “No, but I can go make us some sandwiches or something.”
“No, I got you. I have to clean up anyway.” And off he went.
He came back a half-hour later, his hair wet, new clothes on, and a bag in his hand with a blanket over his shoulder. “We’re going on a picnic.”
I didn’t want to be far from everything. I hated being afraid, but I was, and not for me, not really. I was terrified for my mate and everyone else here.
“We’re just going to go to the water,” he assured me.
As we were leaving, Auden and Creven came over with lunch for Larkin and Oak. Such perfect timing.
We walked out to the river hand in hand. We’d taken to giving each other that comfort. Our beasts longed for each other’s touch. I wanted so much more, and from the way my mate scented, there were times he did, too. But we’d been going slow. Very slow.
It was driving me bonkers, as necessary as it was. I wasn’t shy, not even close. I wanted to kiss him so badly, I sometimes had to walk away for a few seconds. I knew that I wanted everything from him and that just a taste wouldn’t be enough. It was best not to start anything. Especially if it turned out that I needed to leave, something that was still a very real possibility.
“I’ll get the blanket.” I took it from over his shoulder, laid it down, and he joined me, unpacking the food that he’d made. It was simple: peanut butter sandwiches, cut-up apples, and green beans from the garden.
“How’d you know I like to eat raw green beans?” They were my favorite.
My brother always used to give me looks about it. He preferred them very well cooked. I’d taken to hiding my love of them to avoid his teasing which he always took too far.
“Larkin told me.” He smiled. “He saw you munching on some in the garden.”
I grabbed one and bit into it. “They’re best that way.”
We ate our sandwiches and chatted about the plumbing issue, which turned into talking about the time my father forgot to turn the water off in an empty cabin and all the pipes burst, which turned into Torin telling a story of when his mother replaced the light in the kitchen but didn’t have it fastened down right, and it came crashing down in the middle of the night. My mate’s poor eight-year-old imagination had him convinced it was a ghost. He hid under his blanket till morning.
That led to me talking about the first time I got publicly reprimanded by my father, and story after story followed, our childhoods revealed, one after another.
On paper, it probably looked like I had it all growing up. I was the son of a wealthy and powerful Alpha. I had the best schooling, the best clothing, the best future.
Whereas my mate didn’t have any of that.
He did, however, have so much more. My mate grew up loved and cared for. Something I’d yearned for every day of my life at the pack. I’d been nothing more than a tool for my father. Torin had been his mother’s son. Such a difference.
“What are we gonna do now?” I asked, meaning for our futures.
My mate didn’t understand what I meant—or he didn’t want to focus on it now. Instead, he said, “I was thinking something like this.” He leaned in and brushed his lips against mine, then pulled back slightly. “Is that okay?”
I reached up, grabbed the back of his head, and pulled him toward me. This kiss didn’t stay chaste, but grew deeper and deeper until all I wanted to do was strip naked, have him fill me with his knot, and make him mine.
