Page 5 of It Never Happened
“I’ve done my time, made my money. I’ve seen everything I could ever ask for, but I’ve also missed out on a lot. My kids are going to college now, and I owe it to my wife to be there with her. She didn’t ask for my crazy work hours or to be left alone while raising our kids. She certainly doesn’t deserve to be alone now that they’re gone.”
He left me all of his accounts to handle and said I was the only one he trusted with them. I was ecstatic until I saw the workload involved. And after hearing his reasons for retiring, it had my mind racing with similar thoughts.
I don’t want to miss out on what’s coming.
But the reasons I don't want to miss out are the same reasons I stayed away. There’s no way I could take care of my son on my own and still work all that I do. And I already proved I sucked at taking care of Courtney. I would never dream of taking him from Courtney, but she won’t move back to New York. So I'm stuck with yearly visits. A few days off at Christmas is the only time the world seems to stop turning so fast and allows me time to come to visit him.
And every time I do, my heart breaks a little bit more. You’d think it would be enough to wake me up. To talk myself into seeing what's really important. I have enough money now I wouldn’t ever have to work again, but I need a time filler too. I can’tnotwork andnothave them either.
But I've done too much damage already, and I fear Courtney will never take me back.
Bluemoon is a big change from the city that never sleeps. On plane rides home, I usually find myself wondering if I could make the switch. Could I ever move out of the city and back into a place with a slower pace?I’ve been thinking a lot about this and maybe it wouldn’t have to be so slow. The food and shops here are amazing. The Italian place right in the heart of town serves food to die for. And Sweets n’ Spice is the best bakery to get desserts. I’d love to get my hands on those two places; I could really turn them into a huge draw here during tourist season.
And Dress Me Up boutique, owned by Lief and his family, is the whole reason I came early. Lief called me a few weeks back saying the shop was in the red again. He didn’t want to tell his mom yet, but he and January have been talking about closing the place. It's costing them too much to keep it up and running. I’m sure January knows Lief called me, but I had to get a dig in on her yesterday. I hope he told her, at least. Last time he made plans without her, they didn't speak for a year.
Just another self-sabotaging thing I do. Blasting your girl’s best friend is never a way to get her back. But there’s still a lot unresolved between January and me. She was the one to convince Courtney to take my son and move back to Montana, and after that, I refused to give her the time of day. Lief worked his ass off, without January, to pay back the loan, but by doing so, it left him in a hole again. I knew he wasn’t budgeting correctly, but as shitty as it sounds, I couldn’t take time away from the bigger clients to get his ass on track.
It's a family business, and they should have been running it like a family. Instead, he tried to save the day, just like his dad would have done.
And I was in New York instead of helping my friend. Just another fence I need to mend.
Stepping into the warm pizzeria, I shake off the flurries that are sticking to my coat. I thought New Yorkwinters were bad, but they've got nothing on this place. I walk to the counter and say, “I called in an order. Fristo?—”
“Jack. We got your order right here.”
I watch the guy turn his back on me and grab my food from the top of the oven. “Pepperoni pizza, two orders of mozzarella sticks, an order of spaghetti and meatballs, and a Caesar salad. Right?”
He turns back to me with an armful of takeout containers and slaps them down on the counter in front of me. “Sounds about right.”
He’s quick to brush me off. “Eighty-seven dollars and thirty cents.” The guy won’t even look at me.
I hand him a hundred-dollar bill and tell him to keep the change. He snatches it from my hand so I have to ask, “Is there a problem?”
He shakes his head quickly. “Nope. Just glad to see you showed up for Christmas,” he snipes out with an attitude, and I want to jump across the counter at him.
“You don’t know me, which means you don’t get to have an opinion.”
He connects eyes with me finally and leans on the counter with both hands. “I’ve got plenty of opinions. That little boy is amazing, and the best thing his momma did was move him back home.” He walks away and to the back before I have a chance at rebuttal.
“Fucking nosey small town.” I grab the food and head back outside looking for Larry, the lone taxi driver in town. Shaking my head at the nonsense, I slide into the back and give him Courtney’s address. His eyes flick to mine in the rearview mirror.
“Guess you already knew that, huh?”
He chuckles and nods his head. “Yep.”
We drive the ten minutes in silence, and when we pullup out front, he only wishes me a good night. Larry is starting to grow on me.
I carefully make my way to the front door on a walk that hasn’t been shoveled, thankful for the winter boots I packed, and Joey flings open the door before I can knock.
“Alright! Pizza!” He pumps his little fist in the air. “Hey, Dad!”
My lips roll inward and I force myself to hold back a tear that wants to fall at the sound of his little voice. “Hey, son.” I bend down to his level. “Help me out and take the top two bags, okay?” He grabs them, and I follow him inside, placing the food down on the small table by the door. I shrug out of my coat, hang it, and kick off my boots, leaving them on the mat.
“Mom! Dad’s here!” Joey goes running down the hall, and I laugh as he skids around the corner and into the kitchen. I take the food and walk down the small, cozy hall that is filled with pictures and low lights. As I enter the kitchen, I’m struck by the contrast to my own. My apartment in the city is all white and stainless steel appliances. This kitchen still boasts the old cabinetry that was here when it was built a hundred years ago, and none of the appliances match. Pictures are hung haphazardly on the fridge and the candle on the table has left a small wax ring from where it was bumped and spilled over.
This house is lived in. Where after six years, mine still looks like a shrine to boredom and loneliness.
Courtney walks around collecting paperwork and piling it to the side while grabbing plates and napkins. “Sorry, I got hung up late at the school and we just walked in. I didn’t have time to set anything.”
