Page 73 of The Consequence of You
“I’m listening.”
“It’s exactly four years since my mother died.” I stroke the back of her hand in a way that I hope is soothing, and wait for her to continue. “It wasn’t far from here. The stretch of road where she died.”
She shivers and I resist the urge to pull her into my lap. I think back to the cruel way I accused her of holding on to her mother’s death when she first spoke to me about it. It’s no fucking wonder she’s taken so long to trust me with this. Shame heats my cheeks.
“I’m sorry I was so dismissive of your grief before.”
She wipes her cheeks with her sleeve, and I can tell she’s struggling to stay composed.
“You don’t owe me an apology, Asher. You were right about me not being able to move on from it.” My chest tightens at the thought of what the last few years must have been like for her. “Everything changed for my whole family after that night. We lost Mama, but we also lost each other.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry you went through that.” I hold her hand, but she pulls it from mine.
“You don’t understand. It’s my fault she’s dead. I killed her.”
CHAPTER FORTY
CALLIE
My tears are flowing freely now, and I rub at them, unable to get them under control. My vision is blurred, and I’m thankful I can’t see Asher’s expression. I don’t miss the way his body goes rigid beside me, though.
“What are you talking about?”
“Nico and I had been seeing each other for a while. Maybe six months. We thought we were in love. Both of our families were traditional, and we were aware we’d probably both have arranged marriages like our parents before us. There isn’t a ban on relationships but there is a certain expectation a woman won’t partake in anything serious until her marriage. So, we kept it a secret.”
Asher stays quiet beside me.
“We knew it could never go anywhere, but we decided we’d keep seeing each other, have fun before we wereintroduced to our future partners. We didn’t set out to be dishonest about it, but that’s what we ended up being. We kept it hidden. Thought what our families didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them. We snuck around. Told ‘white lies’ about where we were going, and who we were meeting up with. They didn’t suspect anything.”
I pause and take a deep breath, trying to steady my voice.
Other than in some very unsuccessful therapy sessions years ago, I’ve never spoken to anyone about the night of my mother’s death. Not even Dahlia. I know she’d have listened, but I couldn’t bear to lose her like I’d lost my family over it. I could imagine the look in her eyes if she knew what I’d done. What I was responsible for, and selfishly, I couldn’t bear for her to think less of me.
Asher though? He sees through the façade I put up. He sees me in a way no one else does. He’s right when he says I’ve been running because I have been.I am.
And he deserves to know why.
Asher squeezes my hand gently, urging me to go on. Before I can talk myself out of telling him the rest, I continue,
“It was New Year’s Eve. Nico’s parents were away. I went to his house. I’d told my mum it was a party and said I was getting a ride home and I’d be home for my usual curfew. We spent the evening messing about, taking advantage of the empty house.” Asher stiffens beside me, and I move on quickly. “We were drinking. Neither of us had much tolerance, and we fell asleep. The next thing we knew, it’s the early hours of the morning. Nico’s older brother Dante had been at a party and come home and found us. He thought it was funny whenever he discoveredus together, but as soon as I saw the time, I realised it was hours past my curfew and Mama would be worried sick. I had so many missed calls on my phone, Asher.”
He tenderly tucks a loose bit of hair behind my ear, and I force myself to go on.
“There were calls from Mama, and Luca and my father and even some from a withheld number. I didn’t bother listening to the voicemails. I just raced home. I knew I’d be in so much trouble for breaking curfew, for being at Nico’s, for drinking, for not telling her where I was spending the evening. I was shaking by the time I got home. I thought I’d be grounded for months afterwards. I was worried about my freedom being taken away.”
Asher’s expression has changed; he no longer looks confused. He looks sad. He’s looking at me with pity, and I can’t bear it. I’m sure by now he’s worked out what happened, but I continue. He should hear it from me. Then he’ll know exactly what kind of person I am.
“Do you know I actually had a tracker on my phone with my location? It didn't occur to me on the drive home that no one had shown up at Nico’s. I just kept thinking about how much trouble I’d be in. Trying to come up with a lie I could tell to cover up where I’d been.”
Asher stays silent beside me.
“Luca was sitting on the sofa. There were two female police officers sitting with him. Even then, it didn’t sink in,” I laugh bitterly. “She’d been dead forhoursby the time I walked into that room.”
Asher sucks in a sharp breath next to me.
“When I didn’t get home for my curfew and I didn’t answer their calls, she tracked my phone.” Swallowing the painful lump in my throat, I continue telling Asher everydetail of how I caused my mother’s death. “She got in her car. She didn’t like driving in the dark. Luca hadn’t passed his test yet. And she didn’t want to ask any of our security guards to drive her because she thought if she just found me and got me home, Papa would never need to know. But she was so worried about me, she drove to Nico’s. For me. To look for me.”
My chest hurts with every breath I take now. Asher’s cheeks are damp and he looks almost as devastated as I feel.
