Page 73 of Star Crossed
He opened the door, determined to take a long, hot shower and try to find a way to go sleep and forget, because the walk hadn’t done a damn thing to help. He saw Tino and Nova sitting shoulder to shoulder on the couch, shell-shocked, staring into the fireplace, but he didn’t say anything to them. Just breezed past them on the way to the master bedroom.
Then he stripped off his jeans and got into the shower, his emotions still raging. He stuck his face under the hot spray, praying for peace, searching for some sort of answer. He couldn’t see past the heartache and guilt.
Why couldn’t life cut him a break?
“I’m sorry.”
Romeo groaned, hearing the agony in Nova’s voice. He wasn’t ready to face this. He felt raw and stripped bare, and he wanted to tell Nova to go away until he found his strength again.
But knowing Nova wouldn’t leave, Romeo placed his hands on the wall and whispered, “I’m sorry too.” His voice cracked. The shower hid his tears as he said, “I’m so sorry, Nova. I’m sorry for leaving you with them. I know this is my fault. Blaming you is just easier.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” Nova said, the tears sounding in his voice too. “It would’ve happened anyway. If you hadn’t ended up in prison, he would’ve killed you to get custody. Then we’d really have nothing. We’d be completely lost to all of it with no one to remind us that we can be more. You know that.”
“Yeah, I know that,” Romeo had to reluctantly agree, even if he was on a rabid self-hatred spree.
“It’s God’s fault,” Nova finally said with sharp bitterness. “For making me a freak. If I was normal, Frankie wouldn’t have given a shit. He wouldn’t have wanted to look at us, let alone bring us into the fold.”
Romeo winced over that. Even if Nova’s keen intelligence made them a target for the greed of the mafia, he couldn’t bear to hear him curse something their mother had been so proud of.
“A gift or a curse, it’s what you make of it.” Romeo shook his head as he tried to think of a solution. “So use that big brain of yours to figure a way outta this mess.”
“I already did,” Nova said sadly. “You gotta lose the fight, Rome.”
Romeo groaned. “Merda.”
“Give them what they want. Frankie can’t kill you for nothing. You’re my brother. My fucking heart and Aldo knows that. So lose the fight and retire to Hicksville, have little deputy babies with Conner’s sister and be happy. Tino says you love her.”
Romeo couldn’t answer that. He couldn’t voice out loud that he wasn’t so certain Jules would still love him if she knew everything about him.
“It’s not that simple,” Romeo settled on as he turned off the shower. “I don’t think she’d respect me if she knew I threw a fight.”
“If she loved you back, she would,” Nova argued. “She doesn’t want you to die, does she? Especially for something stupid like pride and integrity.”
“You know, Nova, a lotta people don’t think having integrity is stupid,” Romeo said as he pushed open the shower and reached for the towel on the rack. “Around here, it’s sorta like a way of life.”
“Well, lucky them,” Nova said darkly, his arms folded over his chest while Romeo worked on drying off. “Must be nice to have that luxury.”
Romeo walked past him and went into the bedroom. He put on a clean pair of jeans while trying to pretend this wasn’t really happening to him.
Nova followed him into the bedroom and watched him silently for a few minutes before he said, “I reallyamsorry. If I could change it, I—”
Romeo sighed and cut him off, “I know.”
“And I love you,” Nova whispered miserably.
“I know that too.” Romeo walked up to him and wrapped his hand around the back of his neck. He tugged Nova forward to place a kiss on his forehead. “I missed you, Casanova. I’m happy you’re here, even if the circumstances suck.”
He patted Nova’s cheek and then walked out of the bedroom. Still sitting on the couch, Tino had moved on from beer and was drinking some sort of amber-colored liquid that reflected the flames from the fireplace, making them dance in bursts of red and gold among the ice cubes.
Romeo fell down on the couch next to him and asked, “Whatcha drinking?”
“Johnnie Walker Black.”
Romeo took the glass out of his hand and sniffed it, pulling a face before he tried a sip. His eyes stung, and he coughed into the glass. “Madonn’,” he wheezed. “It tastes like friggin’ gasoline. This shit’ll kill you, Valentino.”
“Nah,” Tino said with a ghost of a smile that didn’t meet his eyes. “Johnnie’s an old friend; he won’t hurt you.”
Romeo leaned back against the couch, trying another drink. It burned just as badly the second time, but the fire of it running down to his stomach was a welcome distraction.
He was still working on the whiskey when Nova sat on his other side, reaching behind Romeo to hand Tino a glass of ice. Then Nova leaned forward, grabbed the bottle on the table, and filled his own glass before passing the bottle to Tino.
There wasn’t anything else left to say. All three of them had their demons, and for that one strange moment they weren’t fighting about them. They sat there in the darkness drinking and watching the fire. Nova started smoking, and the smell of it was comforting, maybe because their mother had smoked before she got sick. It reminded Romeo of home, of a time when life wasn’t any more complicated than making sure Nova and Tino were fed and doing their homework after school.
One thing Romeo discovered for sure, Johnnie Walker Black worked much better than walking at making him forget.
