Page 66 of Starfish and Coffee
“We’re gonna play pretend,” Alex said, his lips trailing up to Matt’s ear.
“Oh fuck.” Matt’s voice dripped with both desire and sadness. “No, no, no. Don’t—”
“We’re gonna pretend that day never happened,” Alex went on, trying desperately to hold himself together. “That we have forever.”
“No.” Matt’s hands flew to his face as a sob he didn’t bother to hide burst out of him. “Don’t do this to me.”
“I’m sorry.” Alex lost the precarious hold he had on his emotions as easily as Matt did. After six years of loneliness and with a lifetime of it stretching out in front of him, Matt being there suddenly became a gift he couldn’t let pass him by. “Please, Matty. Be mine.”
“I was yours,” Matt said, his face still in his hands. “You ruined it.”
“I know.” Alex felt the tears roll down his cheeks as Matt became a watery blur. “I don’t deserve it, but can you please give it to me anyway? Just tonight, just this once.”
“I hate you.” The tears sounded in Matt’s voice as clearly as Alex’s. “Why’d I come?”
“You’re doing it wrong.” Alex tugged on his hair halfheartedly. “Try again. Do it right.”
Matt took a long shuddering breath as if debating with himself. The silence magnified in the room to the point that Alex’s own ragged breathing seemed deafening as he struggled to keep himself from falling to his knees. The agony he worked so hard at suppressing rose to the surface with a violence that was terrifying.
Matt finally cracked the silence with the hoarse whisper of, “I need you.”
It wasn’t a profession of love, but Alex sucked in a breath from the confession because it sounded true. He slipped his fingers out of Matt’s hair to cup his cheek while he reeled over how desperately he craved hearing that—even if it was pretend. He wanted to be needed by Matt again, if just once more.
When Matt turned in his arms, Alex clung to him like a lifeline. He wrapped his arms around Matt and pulled his body tight against his until they were chest to chest, sharing the same air as their breathing remained heavy with heartache and desire.
Matt looked up at him, his eyes crystalline with tears rolling down his cheeks. “I need you, Lexie,” he repeated, this time louder and more confidently as if he wanted this game as badly as Alex did. “Please.”
“I need you too,” Alex said, finding it easier than he thought it would be. He cupped Matt’s cheeks with both hands as he struggled to see him past the tears. “You look really good. Sexy.”
Matt laughed, rolling his eyes as he said, “Thanks. You too.”
“I mean, really,” Alex said, still cupping his cheeks as he smiled at Matt. “You look so good it makes me feel like it’s the first time. Like I haven’t touched you in years.”
“Funny, I feel the same way,” Matt said, closing his eyes as more tears rolled down his cheeks. “Feels like it’s been areallylong time.”
“Come here.” Alex tilted Matt’s face up and leaned down to kiss him, their lips meeting with a soft caress.
“It’d be easier for me in the long-term if you could go back to being toppy and aggressive,” Matt spoke against his lips in response. “That needs to be stated.”
“Shut up, Matty,” Alex said, feeling a smile tug at his lips when he realized Matt really couldn’t turn off that honesty sensor in his brain. “We’re pretending.”
“Fine.” Matt sighed, taking the lead as his fingers tangled in Alex’s hair, his tongue pushing past his lips and deepening the kiss.
The wash of desire was overwhelming. It was softer, sweeter, infinitely purer, but it was also a thousand times more powerful. Alex was helpless in the face of it, and he surrendered to it without even a fight. The salty taste of tears mingled with the tang of beer as their tongues brushed, and they kissed in hot, openmouthed desperation.
Hands caressed muscles long neglected as soft sighs gave way to breathy moans when the passion boiled and pleasure started to force the need for more intimate contact. Always honest about his needs, Matt grabbed Alex’s wandering hand. He pulled away, his lips red and swollen from bruising kisses, and brought Alex’s hand to his mouth, dragging his tongue across the palm of it in one long, slow sweep that had Alex’s vision going foggy as he watched.
“Hot,” Alex whispered, feeling entranced as Matt repeated the action a few more times.
Matt’s eyes were soft and sensual while he continued to lick Alex’s palm. Then he reached out. His fingers tangled in Alex’s hair once more and pulled him forward for another kiss. Matt pushed Alex’s hand to his cock, still hard and heavy between them, making his wishes blatantly obvious. Alex took the invitation and stroked the thick length of Matt’s cock, savoring the slide of silky skin against his spit-slicked hand.
God, he had forgotten how responsive Matt was. His own cock jerked as Matt moaned into his mouth, his hips thrusting into the slide of Alex’s hand. Loving to hear him, he released his mouth to run his lips down the curve of Matt’s neck, licking and nipping at sensitive skin prickled with goose bumps everywhere Alex touched.
“Fuck,” Matt grunted, thrusting his hips into Alex’s hold on his cock once more.
“Want more?”
“God, yes.” Matt’s breathing was labored, his head falling back heavily.
