Page 204 of The Holy Grail
“Now, she’s dirty,” Evan said with satisfaction, noting she had also squirted a little.
Jules glanced over at their reflection in the mirror and released a deep sigh of happiness. “Look at us.”
“Look at us,” Evan and Malcom repeated together.
Chapter 68
Putting in the work
“Before we get started,” Lauren said, at the beginning of their second session, “I wanted to let you know that from this point on, I will be referring to your father as ‘Monroe’, and not as your father, or dad. I do this to strip him of any warm feelings associated with those titles, as well as the respect it carries. I’ve found for some of my patients, it helps them separate the family bond a little bit, because sometimes it’s hard to erect strong boundaries with a family member, as if they should be given special rights, just because they’re ‘family.’ I mean, people will put up with a lot of shit from a family member they wouldn’t with an acquaintance or even a friend, right?”
Malcom nodded; it was true.
“So,” Lauren continued, “I recommend you also start addressing your father as ‘Monroe’ going forward, because that’s the man we’re going to be dealing with—not the father who might have taught you how to ride your bike, or drive, or took you to baseball games, or whatever. That man is gone, and letting him take up space in your head is going to work against you.”
“I understand. I haven’t thought of him as my father in a long time, to be honest.”
“Okay. So … are you ready to talk about Monroe?”
Malcom took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. “Yes.”
From there, they spent the majority of the session on his childhood and teen years, with him telling Lauren about the first inklings of his bisexuality, Monroe’s obvious intolerance of gay people, and Malcom’s growing need to stifle his attraction to men.When he got to the episode with the pink shirt, Lauren’s expression became one of sad amusement, which led him to ask, “What is it?”
“I’ve heard a few pink shirt stories,” she explained.
“Really?”
“Yes, really. Pink shirts seem to be a trigger for men who don’t want to have a gay son.”
He then went on to tell Lauren about going shopping with Jules and buying another pink shirt, and her insistence he wear it when he took her to meet his parents.
“I’ve known Jules for a while, and I’m extremely glad she’s in your corner,” Lauren said.
“I am, too.”
A week into his verbal journaling, Malcom was still marginally self-conscious about it. Each day got a little better, though, with the exception of how he felt when he was done. His sessions tended to run about a half hour on average, and while he knew it was good to unload negative thoughts and emotions, he also felt slightly unsettled afterward, not only by the amount of negative thoughts and emotions he had, but also by how tired he was when he was finished.
To combat this, he was supposed to end each session with some breathing exercises Lauren had shown him, which he did when walking around the yard as well.
The first few sessions had been pretty dark. With no one in there to hear him, he found himself saying all sorts of shit, from calling Monroe a ‘cock-sucking motherfucker’ to a ‘cunting asshole’ and everything in between.
He also found himself recalling moments from his childhood and adolescence he’d forgotten about—moments where Monroe had exerted negative influence over Malcom, forcing him to basically buckle under the pressure or suffer the consequences of disappointing his father.
Once finished with his latest session, Malcom headed toward the kitchen to make dinner. As usual, he was experiencing fatigue from the session, both mental and physical,and he’d discovered the act of cooking afterward to be soothing and grounding. Before he got to the kitchen, however, he heard Jules and Evan in the living room, and to his well-trained ear, it sounded like they might be up to a bit of fuckery.
He was right.
He found Jules straddling Evan on the couch, both of them naked, with their clothes tossed everywhere. Malcom took a moment to enjoy the picture the two of them made, with Jules’ red hair flowing to the middle of her back as Evan’s hands held her in place while sucking on one of her nipples.
Catching sight of Malcom, Jules asked, “Done already?”
He nodded.
Alerted to Malcom’s presence, Evan released Jules’ nipple and glanced over. Seeing the serious expression on the other man’s face, Evan asked, “Is everything okay?”
“Everything’s fine,” Malcom replied, as he walked over and ran his fingers through Jules’ hair a few times before tilting her head back and kissing her upside down.
Evan obediently raised his head to get a kiss, and after Malcom obliged, Evan asked, “Why don’t you join us?”
