Page 2 of Right Where You Left Me
He blinks slowly at me, his eyebrow raised in disagreement.
“It’ll be fine.” I say again reassuringly. “It’s going to be better than fine. It’ll be a new adventure.”
“If you’re sure.” He says with a soft smile. “We’re going to miss you here at the patisserie though.”
“Oh, I don’t doubt it. How ever will you all survive with just your baking skills alone?”
He shoves me playfully and we spend the rest of the day reliving our favorite memories together and getting the rest of our belongings in boxes. We order pizza and drink wine all night. And in the morning, when I’ve loaded up my car with my suitcases and a few small things I need before my stuff can be shipped to my mom’s house, I cry on Liam’s shoulder as he tells me how proud he is of me, and how much he’s going to miss me. He tells me that I better keep him updated on my life there and we part ways with a hug, a kiss to the cheek, and just a few more tears.
The drive back to Cedar Falls from Pittsburgh takes about four hours, and with a pit stop for gas and essential snacks and a coffee, I make it to my mom’s house in just under five. I park behind her old hatchback and stare at my childhood home. The pale blue siding that my mom made my dad choose when a storm had blown through and ripped off a good portion of the old material. The white shutters and matching door. My mom has her autumn leaf wreath hanging on it. I sit and stare for awhile, frozen in memories ,when there’s a knock on my window. I jump and curse under my breath when I see my mother’s smug grin staring back at me.
“My baby!” She squeals when I open my car door and get out, immediately wrapped in a tight hug. I melt into her and inhale her familiar scent. She’s always smelled like sweet spices, I think from her favorite tea, but to me it smells like home.
“Hey, Mom.” I murmur, taking her in. We’ve always been told that I look like a carbon copy of her, but her honey brown hair is starting to streak with gray and her amber eyes are surrounded by smile lines. It’s been a while since I’ve been home and seen her, but she’s looking good. I feel a little guilty for not visiting her as much as I should have, but now I’m back and can make up for it.
“I’m so glad you’re here.” She says before pulling away and opening up my trunk. She starts unloading bags and gives me a pointed look to help her.
I chuckle and move into action, following her inside. We dump my stuff in my old room before we get settled in on the couch. “How was the drive in?” She asks, her head propped on her hand as we sit facing each other.
“Not bad, you know the drive isn’t that long. Talked to Liam for a lot of it.” I say softly.
“Oh, that sweet boy. How is he doing with… everything?”
“Surprisingly well.” I say and sigh. “He’s always been wonderful, so I’m not surprised. I’ll miss him.”
“Well, you know he’s always welcome here to visit.” She says and pats my thigh.
“I know.” My eyes wander around the room, taking in all the new and familiar things she’s decorated the space with. My dad died five years ago and since he’s been gone, my mom has taken on auniquedecorating style, to say the least. She says it’sher way ofexpressing her inner self. “Mom, is that another cat figurine on your mantle?”
“Emma Gale, you leave my cats alone. They make me happy.” She says, narrowing her eyes and pointing a finger at me. “You have to admit they’re darn cute.”
Oh God, not middle naming me. I laugh. “So sorry to insult the cats Mom, but what does that make now, twenty of them? You have a problem.”
“I do not.” She says with a huff, but she’s smiling. “You look tired, hun. Why don’t you head up to bed and rest for a little bit. I’ll get dinner put together soon and holler up when it’s ready.”
I am tired, the heaviness of everything and the length of the drive getting to me, so I nod, kiss her cheek and head upstairs.
My room is exactly the same as it was when I moved out after college. The same pink floral bedspread and matching sheets. All the old pop punk posters hanging on the walls. A weird swirl of something hits me when I see those. Because of who got them for me, the person I wanted to think I was cool enough to hang out with when we were sixteen. I don’t know why I still have them up, but I don’t think I can bring myself to tear them down either…
I unceremoniously drop onto my bed, staring up at the ceiling as everything hits me. I’m really starting all over. I never expected that I’d be here, single again at thirty-three. That the man I thought was the love of my life would end up being just my best friend. My platonic soulmate. And that the thoughts I had about women my entire life really mean that I’m a lesbian and not just appreciative of a hot woman.
I roll onto my stomach, burying my face into my pillow. I came out to Liam a few months ago when the feelings just wouldn’t go away. I couldn’t explain what was happening to me. Our sex life had never really been explosive, which probably should have clued me in sooner, but it wasn’t awful. It was justthat lately, I couldn’t stop thinking about the women I’d see randomly on the street while Liam would be kissing me. I’d need a toy more often than not to get off. I just…Wasn’t into it and everything was confirmed for me when I told Liam about it and he told me that I should go out andexplore. Figure things out and actually confirm what I was feeling.
A night out at a bar, a kiss with a woman in the hallway near the bathrooms, and everything came screaming into focus for me. It wasn’t just that I liked women. I didn’t actually like men. The sparks I felt with that woman’s lips on mine brought everything into screaming clarity for me.
I went home and cried in Liam’s arms telling him everything. About every emotion and feeling that one kiss brought up, and that’s when we came to the conclusion that it was right for us to split up so that I could live the life I was meant to.
My phone vibrates in my back pocket and I grab it without sitting up. Liam’s name is on the screen with the start of his text. I open it.
Liam: Make it there okay? House feels weird empty.
I sniffle and force the burning in the eyes to stop. This is good. Change is good even if it’s scary.
Me: I did. Sorry got caught up talking to mom. Miss you, I’ll call you tomorrow.
He sends back a heart and thumbs up emoji and I toss my phone to my bedside table and force myself up. I’ll go help my mom cook dinner and have one more night to wallow before my new life officially starts.
Breakfast smells amazing as I make my way down the stairs and toward the dining room table where my mom has a full spread of food waiting for me.
