Page 17 of Right Where You Left Me
I roll my eyes and stick my tongue out at her. “Not exactly…”
She raises a brow at me, silently telling me to explain. My sister is a lot of things. She’s fun, kind, and a great mom. She is the life of the party most of the time, and she’s always down to gossip with you whenever you have something juicy to spill. But, one of the biggest things about her is that she is punctual. And shehatesit when other people are late.
I groan. “I ran into Emma outside the candy store on my way here…”
“Oh.” She says. “How— did you fight?” She asks hesitantly. We obviously haven’t been arguing in the cafe, but things are tense and Piper gets a first row seat to it when we’re all working. I didn’t need to tell her details of our day to day for her to pick up on that.
I shake my head. Not really wanting to get into it with the boys here, but knowing I need to talk to someone about how I’m feeling. I can feel all of the animosity inside me festering. I just don’t feel good anymore. My heart feels like a fresh bruise, and seeing Emma is like a finger poking it over and over again. It isn’t healthy, I know it isn’t. But being around her, seeing her making herself back at home here, it hurts so fucking much. I don’t know how much more of this I can handle before it tears me down and I fall apart all over again over this woman.
“We didn’t fight. She was sad… walking into the candy shop and she tried to stop me to talk, but changed her mind. I don’t know why. She just seemed out of it. It has me all up in my head.”
“Oh. Well, hopefully she’s okay.”
I shrug. “Seemed fine, just sad.”So fucking sad.
“Sage, I know you aren’t her biggest fan.” I snort at that, that’s an understatement. “But, I know you don’t actually hate her.”
“Uh, yes I do.” I say and then quickly add, “because she deserves it. We don’t just hate people for no reason, guys.”
The boys ignore me, too busy snooping through the bag of candy I brought. But at least that means we can have this conversation less filtered.
“You don’t.” Piper says softly, reaching across the table and squeezing my hand. “I think,” She starts looking at her husband who is staring at her like she walks on water. It makes me alittle jealous when I see the two of them together. They love each other so fucking much, it’s almost disgusting. I want that… I want someone who loves all my rough pieces and sharp edges. Someone who knows how to handle me at my worst, and loves me through it. I swallow the knot forming in my throat, waiting for her to finish her thought. “You are still really hurt about what happened between you two, which is okay. You’re justified in that. I was there, remember? When you came home. I saw how much it messed with you, but I don’t think that means that you hate her. I think you just wish you did.”
I look down at our joined hands and stifle the emotion begging to be let out of me. I’m so tired. Holding onto the anger is draining and I know I need to stop, to let it go. I just don’t know how. I don’t know if I can. Thirteen years of resentment and anger have turned the way I think about Emma into a tornado of toxicity. I can’t just let it go with the snap of my fingers. But could Piper be right? Could I be holding onto all this hatred because it’s easier than facing how I really feel?
“I don’t—” I start, when a head of honey brown curls catches my eye. I watch Emma chat with the young hostess, pointing at a booth over by the window before being sat there. I watch her pull out a bag of red candy, Swedish fish… and watch as she smiles when her waitress drops a slice of chocolate dream pie in front of her.
Fuck. I’m such a bitch. How did I forget? The tears… The candy…
“Piper.” I choke out. “What’s today?”
She looks at me, her forehead wrinkled with confusion. “Sunday? You know, the day the cafe is closed and we get lunch together?”
“Thedate, Piper.”
But I don’t need her to tell me, because I watch Emma stand those gummy fish on top of her pie and know that it’s September20th. My feet are moving before I can even register what I’m doing.
I’ll deal with the consequences later.
CHAPTER 7
Emma
Today has been one of the shittiest days I’ve had in a very long time. The cafe is closed, thankfully, and I had planned on keeping my mom distracted while we spent the day together. I was going to make us a fancy breakfast and take her to the city for a spa day. A nice lunch out before we drove home, grabbing take out and watching junk TV the rest of the evening.
Anything to keep her occupied so that she didn’t fall apart today.
It took me longer to get out of bed, the sadness weighing heavy in my bones, but I managed. I got myself dressed and headed downstairs to find the house still dead asleep. No lightson, no mom watching TV on the couch with her coffee. I let out a breath and walked back upstairs, knocking softly on her bedroom door. She didn’t answer and her soft sniffling had me moving, wrapping her up in a hug underneath her covers while she cried.
It’s my dad’s birthday.
Our sixth without him.
Grief is a weird thing. It almost feels tangible on days like today. It’s a heavy weight sitting on top of us, keeping us pinned down in its grasp. I tried to get her to get up and do the things I planned. I tried to talk her into, at least, eating breakfast with me. She refused it all, telling me she didn’t need to eat. I ended up bringing her a tray with a bowl of fruit and yogurt and a cup of coffee. I sat with her while she nibbled and wept and I felt so fucking useless.
I miss him so much, and days like today it feels like the loss is fresh.
We laid in her bed for a few hours before she told me she wanted to be alone for a bit. I didn’t push her. She shouldn’t be alone, but I’m not going to make her more upset. I worked in the house, organizing junk drawers and prepping food for later. It was another hour before I decided I was going to deal with my own grief over the day.
