Page 52 of The Truth Serum
It was an exact repeat of how she’d felt when she was sixteen and Nate had taken her into the barn or the forest or up in his favorite tree. She’d spent the last ten years suppressing those memories, telling herself they weren’t as wonderful as she remembered or that she’d been wrong to indulge such things.
And now she’d done it again. Was she wrong? Was she wandering down the same disastrous path she’d walked so blithely when she was sixteen? Good God, would she never learn?
Apparently not, because as she climbed into bed, she felt the rasp of fabric against her sensitized skin. She felt his hands on her breast, his mouth on hers, and his tongue thrusting in and out.
Oh God, she didn’t regret what had happened this night. She couldn’t. Because she desperately wanted to do it again. That and so much more.
Bloody hell.
She needed to get married. She needed to experience these things with her husband in their marriage bed.
It couldn’t be with Nate, obviously. Setting aside her family’s objection—and they would object loudly—marrying him would mean a life of constant worry. She’d heard from Fletcher how he lived. Feckless, reckless, and not a penny to his name. She’d seen nothing to contradict that, but still, she wondered. She knew Fletcher would paint him in the worst possible light. CouldNate have some secret occupation? The idea was ludicrous. Why would he keep it secret? But he’d had to survive somehow these last ten years. Fashionable clothing didn’t come cheap.
Either way, she had no reason to believe he could support her or their children in any substantive way. They could live on her dower property, but would he want to seclude himself in Cornwall for the rest of his life? Would she?
No. Which meant Nate was out. The baron was definitely out. And she…
Well, she’d just have to find someone else who would work. Maybe at tomorrow night’s ball.
But first, she needed to rest. And then, first thing tomorrow, she’d head for the lending library.
Chapter Fifteen
As expected, Nate’smeeting with Heidi Frid went quickly. She managed to tell him that Madame had no truck with rifles. Indeed, the woman wouldn’t be able to tell a rifle from a pistol if they were shoved in her face. Monsieur, on the other hand, had been bragging about a secret business. A new venture with none other than Baron Courbis.
Intriguing, but hardly damning.
He took what time he could questioning Heidi. Nate knew that Madame and Monsieur smuggled goods into England. That was why he’d gone to their party in the first place. Even if Frid hadn’t wanted to speak to him, he would have pressed for a meeting with her. She knew everything that Madame did. Unfortunately, she was less well informed on Monsieur’s activities.
But she was sure that Baron Courbis was involved. Apparently, he and Monsieur were very friendly now, when previously they’d had very little to do with one another. Indeed, Nate had been surprised to see the baron at the Joguet ball, but had assumed it was for Becca. How intriguing that it was more.
The baron, after all, was on the Board of Ordinance. That was an important government position that gave him access to the Tower of London and all the guns inside. If anyone could get British rifles, it would be him. And if anyone could smuggle those guns out of England, it would be Monsieur.
He’d thanked Heidi, paid her the fifty pound bribe, and then rushed across Mayfair to get to the lending library that was attached to the Minerva Press. He made it there just as Mr. Vawdrey opened the front door.
“Lord Nathaniel!” the man said with a surprised smile. “It’s been months since you’ve visited and never when the doors open.”
“True enough,” he answered with a yawn. “But sometimes a story grips me, and I must have the next part.”
“I completely understand. I’ll bring you fresh tea as soon as I can. Will you be in your regular spot?”
“Yes,” Nate said as he once again scanned the people who were waiting to enter the large library. Several women, a few with babes, and a couple footmen likely sent to retrieve an order. Becca, however, was nowhere in sight. “Can you bring service for two?”
“Of course, my lord. What name should we wait for?”
Nate chuckled. “She’ll ask for me.” He had no idea if Becca would come as herself or dressed incognito. Either way, she’d either see him or ask someone. The entire staff knew him here, though most thought he came to read. Those in the peerage thought he had a secret delight in reading scandalous novels—which was true—and would say he was hiding away here to avoid an angry husband. At least that’s what he told them.
“Very good, my lord,” said the young man.
Nate doffed his hat and headed for the coziest reading corner in the large place. As he passed, several of the employees looked up and smiled. He returned their greeting while sauntering to the back room by the Minerva Press offices. A pair of chairs sat next to a fire, and to one side was a desk set for his exclusive use. He never actually used it except for the locked drawer in which resided several thick journals. He drew out the top one, then sat back with pencil in hand as he began reading.
He did those things by habit, not intention, because he couldn’t focus on the words. Not while keeping an eye out for Becca. And not while memories of their last encounter kept spinning through his thoughts. It had been several days now since he’d climbed to her window, but in that time, she’d never been far from his mind.
Becca now was so different than what he’d imagined. She’d always been thoughtful, but now she seemed to triple-think everything. There was anger in her that had never been there before. But damn if she wasn’t ten times as sexy. That buttoned-down exterior had come apart the minute he’d kissed her. She’d gripped him whenever he’d tried to draw back. And the moment he’d touched her breasts, she had all but melted.
He hadn’t liked the undercurrent of desperation he’d felt, but he wasn’t sure that was her. After all, he’d spent the last ten years desperate for her. And once he’d touched her, it had taken everything in him to pull back even after he’d seen her tears.
But why had she been crying?
