Page 67 of The Love Potion
Her words hung heavy between them both. There was no fighting the truth of it, and it took them both a while to absorb that. Zoe recovered first.
“What are you going to do?”
Might as well say it. She’d made the decision, but it was still so hard to speak it aloud. “I have two choices. I could become a governess or more likely a housekeeper somewhere that doesn’t get London gossip.”
“You’d have to go to Scotland for that. You don’t want that.”
“Your mother said Russia.”
“You can’t!”
“No,” she agreed. “I won’t.” She swallowed, forcing herself to say it aloud. “Or I could become the duke’s mistress.”
Zoe’s eyes widened. “Youwantthat? I mean, to do the job of the marriage bed without benefit of a ring?”
“Do you see any other options?”
Zoe threw up her hands in disgust. “That’s why I was trying to seduce him. If I became the duchess, you could be my companion and—”
“And there would still be gossip. As long as I’m in London, the tales will follow me.”
Zoe shrugged. “They will get a lot worse if you become a demirep.”
Very true. But she’d have rooms of her own, perhaps even a servant.
“You want to do it!” Zoe gasped in surprise. “You’re not frightened of it!”
Kynthea shrugged, fighting the ache in her whole body. “I’ve learned a lot recently—”
“What!”
“From Madame Ilie at My Lady’s Apothecary.” And from His Grace. “It’s not as awful as you think.”
Zoe grimaced. “That’s not what it looks like when horses do it.”
“No. But I understand among men and women it can be very pleasurable.”
Zoe squirmed. “You’re staking a lot on the possibility that it will be fun. You might be better off in Russia.”
Kynthea smiled. “But then I’d never see you again.” Her heart squeezed a little bit. “You’d miss me, wouldn’t you? If I were all the way in Russia?”
“I’ll miss you when you’re right here!” she cried. “I’m not allowed to see a demirep. You know that.”
All too true. And that thought depressed her more than she could say. “But there are places we could meet. Maybe I could come riding with you sometime.”
“Mama will never forgive you if you become exactly what everyone has said.”
Kynthea nodded. The irony of it was not lost on her. Thetonhad decried her as a harlot and thereby forced her into that very path. She squeezed Zoe’s hand. “It’s my decision, Zoe. Do you think you can forgive me for making it?”
Zoe’s expression grew sad, but there was a maturity in her tone that was surprising. “I’m not completely blind,” she said. “I know that you faced hard choices before you came to live with us. And that your life won’t be easy after you leave us.” She shrugged. “I dosed a duke with a love potion. I cannot blame you for making the best choice you can.” She gripped Kynthea’s handtight. “And I will find a way to see you. I don’t care what Mama says. I will not abandon you!”
That made her heart light. Such fierceness in her cousin. In a few years, Zoe would be a formidable woman indeed. “Thank you,” she whispered as they embraced. And when they separated, there were tears in both their eyes.
“What will you do now?” Zoe asked.
Kynthea pressed her palms down on her dress. “Well,” she said slowly. “I doubt there will be a better time to put my proposal to the test.”
“Are you going to seduce him now?” Zoe looked around. “Now?”
