Page 120 of As They Are
“It’s not ... It was a one-time thing.”
She groaned. “Why would you ruin my happiness like that?”
“You said you didn’t want me to lie.”
“Was it at least good?”
“It was the ...best.”The heat only intensified as I thought about it. God, I would do that over and over again. “But he doesn’t want things to get complicated. We’re fake dating, remember?”
“You could make it real.”
“Not if that’s not what he wants.”
She let out a sigh. “Why would he not?”
There were loads of reasons. He might have been into me but didn’t think I was relationship material. Or he didn’t want to deal with all the long-term implications of being with me. I wouldn’t blame him for any of that.
But I knew Mollie would disagree with every single one of them, so I shook my head.
“What’s for dinner?” I asked, desperate to change the subject. “Do you need any help?”
“Pancakes,” she said slowly. I was sure she was going to call me out, but she let it slide. ThankGod. “Cain’s making them.”
“Didn’t you have that for breakfast?”
“It’s the only thing I can keep down,” she said with a sigh. “I wish I was one of those women who didn’t get morning sickness, but on the bright side, we got the genetic testing done, which means in a few weeks, we’ll know the gender.”
“You’re there already?”
“It’s early, but I’m ready to know.” She put a hand on her slightly rounded belly, and my stomach sank as it always did when I was reminded what a perfect mom she was going to be.
“Are you doing one of those gender reveals?”
“That’s what I was gonna talk to you about. We definitely are. Jackie has been begging to plan it.”
“Does this mean she’s the one who gets to know?”
“Not really. I was gonna ask you, if you’re not too busy.”
I blinked in shock. “Me? Seriously?”
“You’re my best friend. Of course you’ll be the first to know. You get to pick out the cake and everything.”
Feelings were fighting a war in my gut. On one hand, I was so honored. I wanted to do this.
And yet I was so fucking sad at the same time.
“Of course I will,” I said slowly.
“Are you sure? If this isn’t your thing, I won’t force you.”
“No, I’m excited. I promise. It’s just been a long day.”
“I know,” she said, pulling me into a tight hug. “You’re so busy, which is why it’s totally okay if you can’t.”
“No, I want to. It’s gonna be so fun.” And it would be. Once I figured out why I was so sad about it. Was it that I felt like I was losing her?
Or was it connected to Mom, like most of my sadness was?
