Page 138 of As They Are
But I still clung to the hope he would let it go.
“Don’t worry about me.”
“I’m going to.”
“Seriously, Henry, you’re tired. Go to?—”
“Wren, look at me.” There was an edge to his voice. One that still made my body feel hot despite the mix of emotions running through me.
I gritted my teeth against everything I felt and turned. Henry had knelt behind me, but when he saw my expression, his eyes went wide.
“Oh, no. Wren, I didn’t mean to—I shouldn’t have gotten firm.”
Something broke through everything—a question. “Why areyouapologizing? I’m the one trying to cling to the idea that you’ll let it go, which you never do.”
“I’m pushing you.”
Which others don’t care enough to do.“That’s not the issue here. I’m not mad at you for making me look at you. I’m not mad at all. I’m just ... having a difficult time.”
“Was it Mom?” he asked. “Me?”
“No, nothing like that. I’m just trying to keep our boundaries in place. Even when I have ... questions.”
“Questions about what?”
“Norah.” I said it lowly. “But you’re saying that we shouldn’t get too close, and I wanna respect that. I’m having a hard time with curiosity.”
And wondering if I was enough.
“You can ask whatever you want,” he said. “You don’t have to make yourself miserable to make me comfortable.”
I fiddled with the corner of the blanket. “Do you still have feelings for her?”
He answered it immediately. “No. I’m not sure if I ever did, to be honest. She was a part of the group, and at the time, Ace was dating around. I think she chose me because I was around more. But in the end, she wanted him. I think she always did.”
“So, she broke it off with you and got with him?”
“It didn’t go exactly like that,” he said with a sigh. “I made mistakes. A lot of them. I didn’t know my limits then. I felt different from others, but didn’t know why or what to do about it. And I went along with Ace a lot of the time. I wound up in a lot of situations I couldn’t handle. So, I’d get overwhelmed. Then I’d get angry.”
“Like the day when you snapped at Jude?”
“Worse. I’d go to a club and lose it. Or be in a crowded mall and go off on a person who pushed me. I’m not proud of it, butI learned to control it. Unfortunately, I learned all of that when it was too late. They’d been pushed away by my actions. Toward each other.”
“They didn’t try to understand why?” I asked.
“I was being a jerk.”
“The only time you’re anything close to a jerk is when you’re overwhelmed. Unless you’ve completely changed your personality, you’re not always upset. There’s a pattern.”
He shook his head. “No, but we were all kids. I don’t blame them. I just wish I’d been better.”
“You didn’t know either. And your mom is sweet, but she’s not exactly an expert.”
“No. I suppose not.” He let out a sigh. “But they’re happy together, and I realized that I couldn’t do things long-term. Not with the snapping. The need to have quiet time. It’s a lot.”
“It’s not. At least not for me.”
“You’re the exception,” he said. “But not everyone is like you. When I moved to Strawberry Springs, I told myself I wouldn’t let it happen again. I would be kind and put together. No one would ever see what I showed Ace and Norah. It’s one of my worst fears, actually. To find a home somewhere and then mess it up.”
