Page 35 of Fractured Loyalties
I shut my eyes and try, once again, to replay the night in my head, but all I get are snapshots. I remember Kade telling me I was beautiful, and making me a drink in the library, and… my head spun when I thought I was about to fuck him…
My stomach lurches, and my skin prickles with cold. As much as Ihatewhat I did with Roman…
It makes me more sick to think about Kade fucking me.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I pull my phone back out and check Kade’s social media. No posts since the party. No stories, nothing. I even checked the Woods Private group chat, but it was filled with just dumb memes and a dozen missed messages about homework.
Damnit.
The tardy bell rings, echoing through the pipes. I force myself to stand, splash cold water on my face, and stare in the mirror until my breathing slows. My eyes are bloodshot, the makeup smudged under my lashes. I look like a raccoon.
Whatever. At least it’s a look.
I slip into my world history class and get the nastiest looks, but no one says anything. The mean girls are all in the back row, passing notes and giggling.
Blair looks over her shoulder, makes a face, then clearly mouths the word “tramp” at me. I don’t even want to contemplate why she might think that about me. So, I ignore it, slide down into my seat, and spend the entire class period making tiny origami cranes out of my worksheet.
Still, my mind keeps looping on the same thought.Kade is missing, and no one seems to care but me.
By the third period, my nerves are shredded. Every time someone walks behind me, I tense, expecting a hand to yank myhair or a note to be thrown at me. When the intercom buzzes at the start of Chem, my body goes rigid, and it takes a full thirty seconds to unclench my fists.
After class, I recheck my phone. Still no messages. I start to think about asking the office to call his house, but then I remember no one here is going to take it seriously. Kids miss school all the time. And I’d sound stupid, panicking after only one day.
I stare at my lap during lunch, sitting alone again, since Kade is not around. The clatter of trays and the chorus of laughter surround me, but it feels as if I’m sitting in the eye of a tornado of anxiety.
I can’t even look out the cafeteria windows for fear of seeing someone I know, and the few times I do risk a glance up, I see Blair’s army, all of them, hungry for blood, a table away.
Go fuck yourselves.I wish I could scream it at them, but that would break my shield of invisibility.
I consider texting Kade again, something dumb and casual that won’t make me seem manic, but I’m pretty sure there’s nothing I could say that would accomplish that.
“Hey…” a voice cuts through my thoughts, and for a moment, I don’t even think it’s directed at me, but then I look up, meeting a pair of warm hazel eyes.
“Hi…” My voice trails off as I try to place her name. I know she’s in a few of my classes, but my head is so fuzzy, I can’t come up with the answer.
“Tess,” she says, pushing some of her dark hair behind her ear. “I haven’t really had a chance to talk to you, but I saw you at the party Saturday, and I meant to say that I loved your dress…” She pushes up her black rimmed glasses, her hands holding tightly to her tray.
I nod, trying to process what she’s saying and also not to assume she has an ulterior motive for talking to me.
“Do you wanna… sit together?” I motion to the chair across the table.
“Yeah, sure,” she says, and then I remember to smile. It feels weird on my face, as if I’m trying to pull a scab off.
Tess sits, tucking her skirt under her like someone who expects to be judged for how she does it. She seems nervous. She glances up at me and then away, tracing the condensation ring of her drink with her thumb.
“So… are you okay?” she asks after a second. “You look kind of… not okay today. No offense.”
I laugh dryly. “I think that’s the story of my life.” The joke evaporates before it hits the table, so I try again, softer. “But um, I’m fine. I think.”
She smiles, a little lopsidedly. “That’s good. Many people don’t survive their first Woods party. Figure you’ve got a backbone, if you’re still standing.” She picks at her carrots and then offers me one.
“No thanks,” I say, my stomach churning. “I’m not hungry today. It’s been a shit show of a weekend.”
Tess nods, as if she already knows what I mean, and then starts talking about the party, as if she’s running recon for my social anxiety. “I saw you in the library with Kade on Saturday. Looked as if things were going pretty… well…” She shrugs, studying my reaction. “He’s cute.”
“Yeah…” I force a smile, but I can feel the color bleaching from my face. “It was… fine. I don’t really remember all of it.”
