Page 34 of Worth Every Moment
I stare at him. “How the fuck does a man without a heart have a heart attack?”
I don’t give him the chance to reply before I leave, slamming the door on my way out.
12
ERICA
I’ve done a lot of things in my life. Ridiculous photo shoots. Pranced about on stage in my underwear. Swarmed half-naked in an artfully constructed pile of other models for a photo shoot. I’m not a stranger to putting myself outside my comfort zone. But letting Seb Hawkston put his tongue inside me has to be one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done.
Unfortunately, it’s also the only thing I’ve been able to think about since it happened.How do we go back to being friends after the way I treated him? If letting him go down on me didn’t ruin our friendship, the way we fought afterwards finished the job. I’ve never behaved like that before. I don’t lose my mind and yell at people. But recently Seb’s been pushing my buttons like never before.
Maybe I am losing my mind. Maybe I’ve already lost it.
But worse than that, maybe I’ve losthim. I can’t think about that because it might break my heart.
I force myself to concentrate on what I’m doing.My kickboxing sessions with Amy are one of the highlights of my month. If she’s not on tour and I'm not on a shoot, we meet in anexclusive gym, training with one of London's best instructors or sparring on our own.
Today, we’re alone, and the whole time we’ve been here, I’ve been wanting to talk to her about Seb, but am unsure what to say. He watched her have sex, after all. Can I even have this conversation with her?
I bounce on my toes, sweat dripping from my forehead. Amy kicks at me and I block her with the pad, but I stumble anyway. The woman is pure muscle; she always wins, but today I’m an even worse opponent than normal.
Amy drops her fists. “What is wrong with you?”
I sigh, slinging the pads to the floor and spitting my gum shield out into my hand. “It’s Seb.”
“What about him?”
In a bid for time, I take my gum shield box from my pocket and put the shield in there. I snap it closed and slip it back in my pocket. “He told me he watched you have sex,” I say finally, keeping my gaze trained on the floor.
“Oh.”
I glance up when she says nothing else, mild panic racing through me. “I’m sorry,” I blurt. “I would have asked you myself, but I felt awkward about it.”
Amy’s eyebrow piercing glints as it rises on an arched brow. “Why?”
I’m wishing I hadn’t started this conversation now, but I did, so I might as well keep going. “Do you have… feelings for Seb?”
A slow smile spreads over Amy’s face. “Are you jealous?”
“No!”That came out way too fast.
“You needn’t be. I was so high, I didn’t know he was there until the following morning. It’s not like we did anythingtogether. I have no claim on Seb if that’s what you’re worried about. He’s a friend. Honestly, I’m not interested. Never have been. He’s gorgeous, sure, but he’s way too clean cut for me. Very straight-down-the-line. I prefer a bit of grit. A few tattoos. Someone who’s lived a little rough. If you want to date him, you have my blessing.” She bites down on the Velcro strap of her boxing glove and removes it, then tugs the other off before dropping both to the floor and kicking them towards the wall. “Plus, everyone knows he’s been hopelessly in love with you for years.”
My heart twists. “What? Who knows that?”
“Everyone.” She drags out the word. “He flies all over the world to see your shows. He doesn’t come to see mine.”
“You have more. Yours are longer.” I sound like I’m desperately trying to prove that what she’s saying isn’t true, and I’m not even sure why. “He’d have to quit his job to come and see you.”
She kicks my discarded pads and they fly across the gym, bang against the wall, and fall next to her gloves. “He brings you flowers every single time. He adores you.”
I rub a hand over my forehead, feeling even worse for the things I said to him at the gallery. “No. That can’t be true. He’s never… he’s always… he…”Damn it, why can’t I stop stammering?“He’s always hooking up with other women. If that were true, why would he do that?”
Amy picks up her water bottle, takes a swig, and gestures emphatically with it as though the answer is painfully obvious. “Because you’re Erica Lefroy. Ice Queen. Completely unattainable. He knows you’d shoot him down. I bet you’ve never once even flirted with him, have you?”
I might not have flirted with Seb before the gallery, but then I went and invited his tongue inside me. Whether or not I flirted with him before that feels like a redundant issue—we leapfrogged straight to oral sex in a public place.“No. I suppose not,” I say, trying to ignore the uneasy swell of anxiety that accompanies the recollection. I should never have let it happen.Ever. A mistake. That’s what it was.A mistake that left me craving more…
“So, what’s the issue?” Amy says, her voice crashing through my thoughts.
