Page 69 of A City of Emeralds and Envy
“Memories I can torture myself with when I’m sealed into that accursed armor again.”
“Riordan, stop.” I step in front of him, halting his progress, and I seize his gloved hands. “You’re giving up, and we’re not even close to being beaten yet. Think of how long you struggled secretly against the Queen—”
“I’m tired of struggling.” The words break from him, harsh and fierce, as if he’s been holding them in for a long time. “First my father, then the Rat King, and then the Eater of Hearts, and now the Wizard, and when—when will it be over, Alice? When will I finally have time to spend with my work and the people I love? My life has been one struggle after another, one conquest after another—sacrifice upon sacrifice—” He wrenches his hands from mine, strips off his gloves, and throws them into the mud with a wet smack. “I’mtired, kitten. I’m tired of fighting the will of the god-stars, which is to crush me into bone-dust under their feet. I want peace. I want relief. I amtired.”
I reach up to him, my palms sliding over the gashes in his face, my thumbs stroking his cheekbones. “Life is a struggle, in any realm,” I tell him. “It’s exhausting, and sometimes horrible. But that’s the very reason I don’t regret the time the four of us spent together. When you have a chance for a beautiful moment, or a bit of pleasure with people you love, you have to take it. You have to throw yourself into it and enjoy every second, because you know it will end, and the next struggle will begin. That’s what makes love and pleasure more beautiful. They’re fragile, like the husks around grains of wheat. The wind comes and carries them away, and what’s left is hard, but it’s necessary.”
Riordan’s scarlet eyes burn into mine with a soft, tender fire. He takes my wrists and collects my hands in his scarred ones. “Precious mortal,” he whispers. “I think I have loved you since you shut me in my own dungeon. No… perhaps it began when you leaped into the hole so readily. You looked around at the garden, at your realm, and you decided to risk it all for knowledge.”
“Foolish of me.” I pick up his hand and press it to my cheek. It’s warm, and wounded, and mine. “Foolish, and the best choice I ever made. I love you, Riordan. I love you. And believe me when I say I will do anything to save you, even if we don’t manage to kill the West Witch. I will stay with you, whether you’re in this form or another. If you’re in that suit of armor, I’ll be your hands—I’ll hold books for you, mix potions for you—anything you need. I’ll be there for you and Caer. We’ll be together, either way. And Jasper will stay, too. I know he’s new, but there’s something about him, Riordan—he’s special. He belongs with us. I know it.”
“I feel it, too,” Riordan says reluctantly. He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Fuck me…a human, a wildcat, and a soft-hearted Seelie for my mates, and a half-human for a sister.”
“Mates?” I raise my eyebrows.
His mouth twitches, the ghost of a smile. “You don’t approve of the term? Partners, then? Lovers?”
“Partners or lovers will do,” I say primly, walking on. “I suppose I could get used to ‘mates.’ And you may keep calling me ‘kitten.’”
He keeps pace with me. “How about fuck-doll?” he says, in a low voice that makes my whole body thrill. “May I call you that sometimes?”
“If I’m in the right mood,” I say, breathless, suddenly conscious of his height, his strength.Fuck-doll… I wouldn’t mind being used like that occasionally. An image forms in my mind—all three of them crowded around me, pumping into my holes, shouting and laughing while they take me to fresh heights of pleasure…our little fuck-doll…
“Alice.” Riordan is looking down at me, grinning. It’s glorious to see him smile. “Where did you go?”
“Somewhere naughty,” I confess.
“I thought so. Save that fantasy for later, kitten—the others are coming back.”
Caer, Jasper, and Fiero are indeed heading toward us.
“Caer doesn’t look too glum, so I’m guessing he made it through the barrier,” I say.
“That would be my guess as well.”
Caer reports that the barrier is nothing more than a bank of cloud, easily traversed. “The question is, do we head through or wait for Dorothy on this side?”
“We wait,” Riordan and I say firmly, at exactly the same moment.
And then Jasper says, “If she dies, can I keep her dog?”
“Gods, Jasper,” I exclaim. “Don’t say things like that.”
“I don’t mean that Iwanther to die,” he amends quickly, turning pale. “Just that I want Fiero to have a home.”
“It’s a valid question, though,” Caer puts in. “Do we allow our pet to have a pet, or not?” He leans in, licking up the side of Jasper’s face. The Scarecrow flushes to the roots of his golden hair and throws Caer an adoring look.
“The question is pointless,” says Riordan. “Dorothy will return. If she had died, I would sense it.”
The link to his sibling makes me faintly homesick. I left my entire family behind without a word, without a goodbye. I can’t bear to think how sad my little brothers and sisters must be. And the older ones will worry.
We walk on together, heading for the barrier, planning to wait at its edge for Dorothy. Jasper picks up Fiero, and after a few paces, holds him out to me. “Would you like to carry him? You look as if you need it.”
“I’m fine.”
“You aren’t,” he says softly. “Is there anything I can do to ease your suffering?”
“You’re sweet.” I give him a small smile. “It’s not quite so bad assuffering. I just miss my brothers and sisters. I don’t want them to be mistreated while I’m gone, or to miss me too badly.”
