Page 7 of A Court of Hearts and Hunger
Clara glances away. Draws a deep breath. “Well, if you’ve been around him, you know where he is, and how he thinks. That should help us find the girl.”
She looks up at me, confident acceptance in her gaze.
Unshakeable love. It weakens me, saps all my fury, demolishes my resistance.
What have I done to deserve such love?
“I’ll go in disguise,” she says firmly. “You can glamour me with pointed ears and disguise my scent, like you did to Louisa when you went to the tavern. You’re powerful, and I’m a decent warrior now—I’ve got my whip and my knives. We’ll go fully prepared, with whatever spells you’ve got on hand. And we should leave soon, because who knows how long he’ll keep the girl alive.”
“He likes to take his time,” I say hoarsely. “He keeps his subjects alive for days, and he won’t waste a drop of liquid or a bit of skin.”
“That’s good.” She swallows hard, nods. “So we have a little time. I’m not as good at strategizing as Louisa, but you are, Fin. You can figure this out.”
My wings hang limp at my back, and my whole body feels unbearably heavy. I sink to the floor, one leg arched, my arm propped on my knee.
Clara sits down too. “This is about something else, isn’t it? Something happened to you in that kingdom.”
I look away from her.
“If it hurts too much, you don’t have to tell me,” she says softly. “I suspect it has to do with your gift. The way you taste. You told me people used you, didn’t respect or care about you. Maybe they didn’t listen when you told them ‘no.’”
“There was some of that, yes. But there are worse things. I can’t tell you, not now. Physically, Clara, I cannot make myself talk about it.”
“Then don’t.” She rises on her knees and wraps her arms around my shoulders. “Forget all this. If the girl dies, she dies. You’re not going back there. It’s a horrible thing to say, I suppose, but I don’t know her, and I do knowyou. You’re far more important. So please, Fin, don’t think any more about going to save her.”
“What about the Tama Olc? If it remains in the hands of the Unseelie for too long, someone will wreak terrible havoc with its spells.”
“It’s not your responsibility to clean up Drosselmeyer’s mess. We’ve done enough of that already.”
Breath leaves my lungs in a slow stream, and some of my tension eases.
Strangely, I think I was waiting for her permissionnotto go. Waiting for Clara to give me the choice, to do the right thing, or to leave the girl to die, and remain loved either way.
What I suffered in the Unseelie kingdom still has its claws buried deep in my soul. Part of me is still bound and darkened by it. But Clara strengthens me, as she always does, and hope threads through my heart. Perhaps I can do this after all.
“You’re very wicked, you know.” I stroke the back of her hand, then her arm. “You would let others die to spare me from pain.”
“Yes.” She places a light kiss on the tip of my ear. I’m sensitive there, and pleasure slithers through my body.
“And I wish to spareyoufrom pain,” I murmur to her. “But you insist on coming along if I go.”
“Because I want to be with you. You went into the Rat King’s lair alone for me, Finias, and that was a sacrifice. Somehow I know—I can feel—that doing this by yourself would break you. You have to let me come with you. And then whatever happens—pain or peril, death or destruction, we’ll be together.”
Unless they torture you, my darling, and make me watch.
It’s a gloomy thought. I stuff it into the back of my mind. My confidence swells, bolstered by her words.
“Very well,” I tell her. “We cannot take soldiers, because that would be a declaration of war, and the return of the Tama Olc to Faerie isn’t a big enough threat to warrant a full-scale invasion—not yet. As you said, we must go in disguise. I know someone we can meet near the border, who can escort us part of the way and give us information about the current state of Mallaithe and the Dread Court. Beyond that, we’ll be on our own. We can make preparations tomorrow. But just for tonight, sugar, I think we both need a distraction.”
Clara’s eyes brighten. “Is it time for my surprise?”
“Indeed it is.” I rise from the floor, take two steps back, and pull my shirt over my head. I could vanish it, but I’d rather not. I like this shirt; it’s tailored, not conjured.
Naked to the waist, I wait for Clara to notice what I’ve done to myself.
A second later, her eyes widen, and I grin.
There it is. The blushing look of surprise I love so much.
