Page 47 of A Court of Hearts and Hunger
Fin’s disembodied voice carries a note of chagrin. “That kind of magic is too bold and obvious. It carries a strong signature and is discernible at great distances. We’re trying to stay beneath the notice of the Heart Queen and her people, which means unless we’re about to die, I can’t risk anything so ostentatious.”
I fall silent for a moment, conscious of his warm body against mine, his arms clasped across my back. The low burr of his wings blends with the rustling flow of wind over the leaves below us. Sun glows warm against my arms and the side of my neck. A bird cries somewhere in the distance, and another answers it.
This high up, the forest is a sparkling, blood-colored series of low swells, like a sea of shattered rubies. Beyond this forest is another, a splash of mingled black and aqua. Beyond that are craggy bluffs dripping with vines, then an expanse of fields. Far in the distance I can make out a series of spiked hills jutting up from more forest.
“None of the Fae seem very keen on towns and cities,” I comment.
“We like to live with nature, among the trees and landforms, rather than chopping them down or carving roads through them. Is it not like that in your world?”
His question surprises me, igniting a new realization in my mind. “You’ve never been to my world, have you?”
“No. I was invited twice before, by Unseelie who enjoy going there to torment humans. But I declined.”
“Because you’re kind-hearted.”
“I wish that was the reason.” He chuckles ruefully. “One time I planned to go, but I got too deep into a pile of very potent mushrooms, and I took a different sort of trip. The other time I stayed behind to fuck the lover of the Unseelie male who invited me.”
“Fin!”
“I know, I know. It’s among the things I regret. But at the time, I couldn’t resist. The male I fucked had such a perfect ass.”
“You’rea perfect ass.” I move forward, finding his mouth after a gentle bump of noses.
When I close my eyes and kiss him, I forget we’re both invisible. He hums with soft pleasure, dipping his tongue between my lips.
“I keep telling you things, wondering if my next confession will make you despise me.” His breath mingles with mine.
Reckless devotion swells in my heart. “That will never happen. I love you beyond reason and conscience.”
The air crystallizes between us—a clear, bright moment when he could respond with the three words he has never said to me.
But he doesn’t reply. He only kisses me fervently—a mute, frenzied declaration.
Why am I obsessing over those specific words, when he proclaims his feelings for me daily, in so many ways?
I won’t be this person. I can let it go until he is ready, until we dissolve the last barriers between us.
Perhaps that’s what love is—the gradual disappearance of the walls between two souls. Some walls evaporate on their own; others have to be dismantled, brick by brick. Sometimes you reach out, thinking all the walls have been deconstructed, only to find a thick glass shield around the heart of the one you love. Only the heat of a persistent, intense devotion can ever soften it.
I will melt Fin’s final wall, if it takes me years. That sweet, wounded heart of his is worth it.
“Mushrooms?” I ask when he breaks the kiss.
Fin chuckles, but it’s a hollow sound, void of his usual gaiety. “The Unseelie partake in a variety of substances that meddle with the mind. I used to partake too heavily, and I was too trusting about the source of the hypnotics and stimulants.”
“Like last night, with Opal.”
He draws a shuddering breath. “It hurts that she did that to me, when she knows what I—”
His words cut off. Once again he veered close to the secret he won’t tell me.
“Someone drugged you,” I say softly. A gentle push at the wall between us.
“They gave me something that exaggerated my libido and curbed my magic,” he grits out. “I was a fool.”
I clutch him tighter, wishing I could siphon his pain into my own heart and mind. “I’m so sorry, Fin.”
His wings whine higher, faster. “I’m getting tired. We should land soon. I need to fight something.”
