Page 107 of A Court of Hearts and Hunger
“What?”
“Either your father or your mother was touched by one of the god-stars and given the Wretched Sight, which they passed on to you. Which means you can perceive the physical manifestation of curses or blessings placed by the gods or their emissaries. You can identify priests of the god-stars, other god-touched, or a god-star’s true form, through any glamour they choose to assume.”
“God-stars?” I press one hand to my forehead, my mind whirling. “Fin swears by the god-stars sometimes, but I didn’t know they were real.”
“Even the Fae worship something,” says Ygraine. “We differ on who the god-stars truly are—the first Fae who figured out how to transcend from this plane, or the powers that created the realms, or some concentrated force that pushes us along the paths of destiny. What you believe doesn’t matter. But you are the child of a god-touched. There’s no doubt about it. Special, special little human!”
“Fin didn’t tell me any of this,” I say slowly.
“Maybe he thought you had enough on your mind. An overburdened mind is a terrible thing. A dreadful thing. Unbearable, really. Now tell me, tell me the rest of your plans, lovey. Tell me everything.”
She’s probably right. Fin must be planning to tell me about the “god-touched” thing after our encounter with the Queen tonight. A wise choice, I suppose.
If we survive this, I’ll give him a chance to tell me the truth. And if he doesn’t… well… he and I are going to have a talk.
33
Caer still hasn’t returned.
His absence hurts. I tried to excuse it at first, thinking he only went for a prowl; but it looks as if he’s gone for good. He claimed to care about me, and then he left. He’s thinking only of himself—which I suppose makes sense, from what I’ve learned of the Unseelie.
At least I’m not alone. Clara and Finias will be at Court tonight. And Riordan is with me.
Riordan explains that the Queen’s curse was placed by a god-star or by a devoted priest of the god-stars. There’s no way for us to know who placed it, or why, unless the Queen deigns to tell us in her final moments. But even if she does, I won’t hear the confession. I’ll be transforming into one of the Heartless.
Ifthe Eater of Hearts takes the bait. Which means I must be impossible to resist.
Riordan makes me bathe with a series of scented soaps, to cleanse his scent and Caer’s from my body. At his direction, I remove all body hair, and I smooth a fragrant cream over all the rough spots and calluses on my skin.
I’ve eaten nothing and drunk nothing since I woke this morning, and that, too, is part of the plan.
As midnight approaches, Riordan leaves me in the study while he prepares himself for Court. Perhaps he’s also giving me one final chance to escape, to choose something besides this doom. But if I walked out the door of this house, I’d still be in the palace, at the center of the city, beyond whose walls the Heartless swarm, groaning their hunger.
I could change my mind. I could ask Riordan to contact Clara—she and Fin could take me back to the Seelie kingdom. I’d be safe there while they tried to find another solution for the Queen.
But as Riordan has said, the Queen grows in power every day. If we wait too long, even the charmed Water might not work on her. It’s now or never.
There is no escape for me. But if my sacrifice works, I will buy life and freedom for many living souls. I’ll prevent the Queen’s plague from spreading to the Seelie Kingdom, or even farther, into the human realm.
I never thought I would have the chance to do anything so meaningful.
I used to tell myself that my work with my little siblings was meaningful. And it was—I know that, in my heart. I gave them the love and care they didn’t get from anyone else. It was a task worth my time.
But I wanted more. More knowledge, more people and places, more opportunities. Work that felt more important.
This is the one thing I get to do.
But until it happens, I refuse to sit and stew over it. So I look through the books in the parlor, select one, and curl up on a sofa, wrapped in the silky white cloth Riordan gave me. I sound out words the way Caer taught me. Now that I’ve had a little instruction and some quiet time to practice, my reading has dramatically improved. If only I had more time…
After a long reading session, I become conscious of Riordan standing in the doorway. How long has he been there?
He wears no mask. His eyes are black-lined, and his mouth and cheekbones are painted gold. His brown skin shines with gold dust along the contours of his pecs, biceps, and abdominals. He wears loose white pants with a rich, glossy sheen, and his arms are circled by several gold bands. His scarred hands are bare, decorated with rings. Jewelry glints along the edges of his long, sensitive ears.
Nothing about him terrifies me anymore. When you are going to have your heart torn out within the hour, nothing else seems scary.
I lay aside the book and rise from the sofa, holding the white sheet around my nude body. “Is it time?”
He clears his throat. Tries to speak, then nods instead.
