Page 54 of A Court of Sugar and Spice
“It’s all right.”
“No. It isn’t.” His jaw clenches. “I’m slipping, I can feel it. Drinking human blood is an Unseelie practice for a reason, Louisa. It does terrible things to a faerie. I’m—changing. Becoming someone I don’t recognize. I hate it.”
“You’re going to make it. We have one more week of travel,” I tell him. “Then you can bathe in the pool and be restored to yourself.”
There’s another reason I love these feeding sessions with him. When we’re with the others, he and I can’t seem to stop fighting over one thing or another. But when we’re alone like this, we don’t fight. He lets me stroke his glossy black hair while he drinks from me, and when he’s done we talk a little, quietly. He has never mentioned the night when he watched me touch myself, and neither have I. If that night didn’t make him want me, I don’t know what else to do.
The Prince steps over to a large white bloom, detaches one of the enormous petals, and wipes the crimson blood from his mouth onto it. He lets the scarlet-stained petal flutter to the ground.
I suck in a quick breath as he approaches me again. But he only takes my bandages from where they’re hanging on a branch, and he begins to bind up my forearm. His touch is slow, gentle. Almost caressing.
“Are you afraid of me, Louisa?” he says.
A glib “no” springs to my lips. But I swallow it back, and I let something else slip out—a visceral truth. “I’m afraid of how you make me feel.”
His lashes flick up, his gaze meeting mine. Words drag out of him, so low they’re barely audible. “The fear is mutual.”
My stomach does a slow dive before soaring upward, straight out of my body.
What does that mean?
Did he just admit that I make him feel something?
I could press him for more. But I’m learning that this man is unlike anyone else I’ve met. I can’t dance gaily and carelessly into his heart, or fling myself onto his cock. I have to move slowly, patiently. I have to consider before I speak, calculate before I move.
I’ve never met anyone for whom I was willing to be so slow and patient.
Instead of pushing him to speak of his feelings, I shift the topic. “Sometimes I wonder what Drosselmeyer meant when he warned us to be careful of you. That you aren’t what you seem.”
His green eyes lock with mine, serious and open. “I am what I’ve told you. A Prince of Faerie, soon to take my place as the true King of the Seelie. I have no magic now, but once my curse is broken, I will have unfathomable power. Perhaps that inherited magic is what your godfather meant.”
I wince. “Don’t call him my godfather. I don’t want that connection with him.”
“And yet, when all this is done, you’ll return to him.”
My mouth opens, but I can’t make a sound.
Go back to Drosselmeyer?
Beg his forgiveness and hope he’ll let us remain under his roof? Submit to his approval regarding my choice of a husband? Remain at his mercy until I can claim my inheritance?
“He left us to die.” My voice is hoarse and brittle.
“Do you have any other kin? Any other protector in your world?”
“You know we don’t.” I shoot him an accusing glare. “We’ve told you everything during these days of travel. You know Clara and I are alone.”
“Yes, well…” The Prince clears his throat. “You’re both resourceful, brave, and intelligent. You can leave your guardian and make a life of your own.”
“Ingenuity, bravery, and intelligence should be enough, yes. But in our world, it isn’t. Connections, luck, and a smart marriage are the best things women of our class can hope for—at least in our district. If we do go back, I’ll have to grovel before Drosselmeyer and then marry whomever he approves as quickly as possible. Only then will I have some level of financial independence—unless my husband refuses to let me control my own money. If I’m able to, I’ll give Clara what she needs to begin her own life as a painter, in a city where people will appreciate her talent.”
“And what will you do?”
“Me? I suppose I’ll cheat on my husband. Probably once a day.” I laugh, but it’s hollow. The joke isn’t a joke; it’s my future reality. “Sex has always been an escape for me—especially when it’s forbidden. That naughty thrill, and the excitement of the seduction game, is all I will have left once I marry. I’ll enjoy it until I’m too old to attract any fine gentlemen or pretty ladies anymore—or until I perish from some venereal disease.”
“Venereal disease?” The Prince frowns.
“When you fuck a lot of different people, there can be consequences,” I tell him. “I take certain tonics to prevent pregnancy and stave off some diseases, but others cannot be prevented.”
