Page 78 of Of Sockets Of Stitches
I wet my lips, and See’s gaze shadowed at the action. I said, “You make me sound like a curse.”
“My curse. My cure. They are the same, depending on which way you observe them.”
“And what of betrayal and loyalty, sir?”
A wariness entered his expression. “Of them also. So I believe. Of love and hate. Of foe and friend.”
I hummed. “But you did not betray me, as such. You betrayed me for good reason. Is that not the tale we have decided upon?”
His gaze roamed my face. “A queen will believe what she will.”
I lifted my chin. “You mean to say that if you betrayed me, then I could interpret your actions as loyalty. And if you didnotbetray me, then I could choose to believe that was loyalty—or betrayal of our future. But could I not simply see your loyalty to uphold our future as betrayal too?”
There was triumph in his gaze. “I can easily understand how a queen might prefer a lie for fear of what comes with the truth.
My,those words were a blow to the stomach.Goodness,but that was exactly what a queen feared.
How I detested his ability toknow.
To see.
To see so much of me.
I said flatly, “That is the point of all your swirling words. You are telling me that I have formed your loyalty into a betrayal to protect myself.”
“The lens we peer through alters our perception of all. We are learning a hard and painful and great lesson in these weeks, Perantiqua. You may betray me, and I may betray you. I cannot say this with certainty as I am near the limits of the futures I memorized, but we are learning to exist in a romance where betrayal is necessary. We are learning to view betrayal as a form of loyalty through a lens never used. Our understanding and resilience in romance and respect and acceptance and trust must expand, and protecting ourselves from the discomfort of that is instinctive.”
I glanced away to the opening. “We do not have time to obey instincts.”
He did not answer. He did not need to.
Love transcended.“Monsters must come first.”
“And perhaps we can come second.” His focus dipped to my lips.
As much as See had meant to my mind, heart, and body, he was not at the center of my soul, so protected by the child and woman of me.
See quirked a brow. “If it is of any solace, I would imagine you will need to betray me far more than the opposite.”
I frowned at that idea because a sudden image of See’s hurt and anger and emotional distance struck me with force. If I had to betray him, then I would wish him to understand the futility of my choice to do so. If he did not? If he pulled away or treated me with ice and aloofness?
Goodness.
My.
I understood him.
I understood what he had done. I understood that I could never know the hard truth. Just as he would never know the hard truth when I must betray him.
Our future together required irrational belief in one another’s loyalty.
Radical forgiveness.
I might call those qualities foolishness. I might call them hopeless yearnings of a betrayed heart.
But that was not what I felt. I felt, again and at last, that our hearts beat in unison for a reason. I fathomed again what I had connected before our audience not many days prior.
That I must choose to believe See.
