Page 15 of Slash
"Then what do you want?" Slash asked, his voice gentling slightly.
Nicole looked out over the vast landscape, searching for words to explain something she barely understood herself. "I want someone I can trust. Someone who protects me because he cares about me, not because he wants to own me."
"And you don't think I'm that man."
It wasn't a question, but Nicole answered anyway. "I don't know. I want you to be, but I'm scared. What if I let you take control and you turn out to be just like him? What if I lose myself again?"
Slash was quiet for a long moment, then stepped closer. Close enough that she had to tilt her head back to meet his eyes.
"You want honesty?" he asked.
Nicole nodded.
"I am controlling. I do expect the people under my protection to follow my rules. And yeah, when someone I care about is in danger, I get possessive as hell." His hand came up to cupher cheek, thumb brushing away a tear she hadn't realized had fallen. "But I will never, ever hurt you to get my way. I will never use your feelings for me as a weapon against you. And I will never make you smaller to make myself bigger."
"How do I know that?" Nicole whispered.
"You don't," he admitted. "Trust isn't something that can be proven with words. It has to be earned, day by day, choice by choice."
Nicole leaned into his touch despite herself, starved for gentle contact. "And if I can't give you that trust? If I'm too broken, too scared?"
"Then I wait," Slash said simply. "However long it takes."
The simple statement, delivered without drama or ultimatum, broke something open in Nicole's chest. "You'd really wait?"
"Little girl, I'd wait forever if that's what you needed."
There it was again, that endearment that should have offended her but instead made her feel cherished. Protected. Valued in a way she'd forgotten was possible.
"I don't want you to wait forever," she said quietly.
"What do you want? Do you want to continue to be strong all the time, or do you want to let me carry you for a while?"
She had to think about that. What did she want? This was so fast. She’d only known him for two days. But, she remembered what the others had said. Their instalove relationships. She knew Savannah liked him. There was no denying she was attracted to him, but what did she want? Him to step back and protect her only physically? Keep her from being found and killed by Brock? Or more?
If she chose to let him protect all of her. Her heart, her soul, her body… Could she give over all control and at what cost? And for how long? And what happened when Slash inevitablygot tired of playing protector to a broken woman and her needy child?
"I don't feel very strong right now." She finally admitted.
"You can be a strong woman and still submit. Strength isn't about not feeling scared or overwhelmed," he said quietly. "It's about feeling those things and doing what needs to be done anyway. You got your daughter away from a dangerous situation. You reached out for help when you needed it. You trusted strangers because your sister asked you to. That takes incredible strength."
"Is that really how you see me?"
"I see you as a woman who's been fighting battles alone for too long and would be so much happier if she let someone in," Slash said. "But yeah, strong as hell."
"I don't know how to do this," she whispered.
"Do what?"
"Accept help. Let someone else make decisions about our safety. Trust that you're not going to hurt us or abandon us when things get complicated."
Slash was quiet for a long moment. "I want to find him and let him know exactly how I feel about men who hurt women."
"It started small," she said, not sure why she told him her story . "Comments about my friends being bad influences. Suggestions about how I could dress better, be better. I thought it was sweet that he cared so much about me."
Slash made a sound in his throat that might have been a growl.
"Then it got more specific. He didn't like me working late, didn't think I needed to talk to my sister so often, thought I was spending too much money on things for Kayleigh." The words came easier now, like lancing an infected wound. "By the time I realized what was happening, I was completely isolated. No friends, no support system except him. And then..."
