Page 14 of Slash
"Yeah, you did." Slash stood abruptly, his chair scraping against the floor. "And maybe you're right. Maybe there isn't much difference between a cage made of fear and one made of protection."
He headed for the door, and Nicole felt panic rise in her throat. "Slash, wait?—"
"Get dressed," he said without turning around. "We're going for a ride."
"But you just said?—"
"I said no leaving without security. I am your security." He paused at the door, his hand on the knob. "Unless you'd rather stay locked up in here, thinking about how terrible it is that someone gives a shit whether you live or die."
The door closed behind him with controlled force, leaving Nicole alone with her guilt and the rapidly cooling coffee.
Fuck.
She'd hurt him. She could see it in the way his shoulders had gone rigid, in the careful blankness of his expression. He was trying to keep her safe, and she'd compared him to the man who'd terrorized her.
But wasn't there some truth to what she'd said? The situation, the absolute control he expected her to hand over. How was she supposed to tell the difference between protection and possession when the end result looked the same?
Twenty minutes later, she emerged from her room in jeans and a sweater to find Slash waiting by the front door, his leather cut over his shoulders and his helmet in his hands. His expression was professionally neutral, giving nothing away.
“Savannah and the girls are going to keep Kyleigh for a couple hours. They have an entire day planned with her. We have a playground out back and Tater is going to let her help him make lunch. I want to respect you as a mother. Is that okay?”
She answered with a slight nod. Kyleigh loved Savannah and there wasn’t another person on the planet she trusted with her daughter as much as her. "Where are we going?" she asked quietly.
"Somewhere you can think about the difference between a man who hurts you and a man who'd die before letting anyone else hurt you."
The words hit her like a physical blow, carrying more pain than anger. Nicole realized with sinking clarity that she'd wounded something in him that probably didn't heal easily. Men like him had the military values down to their core. She wounded his sense of honor, took a swing at his need to protect.
"Slash, I'm sorry?—"
"Don't. Just get on the bike." His voice was flat, emotionless. He still fitted a bright pink helmet over her head. She saw Savannah’s name on it and smiled. Of course, her sister picked a bright pink helmet.
The ride up into the mountains was conducted in tense silence, Nicole's arms wrapped around Slash's waist while her mind churned with regret. She could feel the rigid tension in his body, the way he held himself apart from her even as she pressed against his back.
He finally stopped at a scenic overlook, cutting the engine and climbing off before offering to help her down. The view was breathtaking. Rolling hills and dense forests stretching to the horizon as far as she could see, but Nicole barely noticed. All her attention was focused on the man standing at the edge of the overlook, his back to her.
"I was eighteen when I joined the military right out of high school," Slash said without turning around. "Angry kid from a shitty neighborhood who thought violence was the answer to everything. Took years of training and discipline to teach me the difference between destruction and protection. Special forces isn’t easy. Not everyone can hack it. I was lucky. I met a man who saw beyond the hurt and challenged me. He knew I could do it. He knew my past wasn’t my future. I worked hard. The lessons I learned weren’t all physical. I learned about honor, discipline,and leadership. I learned how to work as a team, think about someone other than myself. I found out about sheep, wolf dogs and wolves. I decided I would be a guard dog and threw myself into the lifestyle."
Nicole approached cautiously, like he was a wounded animal that might bolt. "Slash?—"
"In Afghanistan, I watched my mentor die protecting people who didn't even want our help. I couldn’t get to him. I couldn’t protect him. I failed him. I watched entire villages get destroyed because I wasn’t fast enough or strong enough to save them. I cradled the bodies of innocent children that I just couldn’t protect.” His hands clenched into fists at his sides. "But I also watched what happened when we pulled out. When we left people to fend for themselves against enemies they couldn't handle alone."
"I'm not in Afghanistan," Nicole said softly. “I’m right here. You’re right here. You aren’t too late.”
"No, you're not in Afghanistan." He finally turned to face her, and the raw pain in his eyes made her chest ache. "You're a woman who's been hurt by a man who was supposed to protect you. Who's learned to see control as something that hurts instead of something that helps."
Nicole's throat tightened. "Brock used to say he was protecting me too. That’s what he claimed to be doing. When he wouldn't let me see my friends, when he monitored my phone calls, when he—" She broke off, the memories were too painful to voice. The first time he punched her.
"When he isolated you," Slash finished. "Made you dependent on him. Made you feel like you couldn't survive without his approval."
Nicole nodded, tears pricking at her eyes.
"That's not protection," Slash said firmly. "That's ownership. And if you can't see the difference between what I'm offeringand what he did to you..." He shrugged, the gesture somehow devastating in its casualness. "Then maybe you're right. Maybe you are better off handling things alone."
The words hit her like a slap. "You're giving up? Just like that?"
"I'm giving you what you want. Your independence. Your right to make your own mistakes and face the consequences alone. Not protecting you. We will physically protect you and Kayleigh. But if you want me not to pursue you, not to Daddy you–”
"That's not what I want," Nicole interrupted, desperation creeping into her voice. "I don't want to be alone anymore. I don't want to make all the decisions and carry all the weight and lie awake every night wondering if tonight's the night he finds us."
