Page 84 of Secrets That Bind Us
“Isn’t your house on the outskirts? Close to old Adelaide?”
I nod once. “It’s nothing like this fancy house you’ve built, though. I can’t… I can’t build you that, Ver. I envisioned a future where I provided for you in so many different ways. Where all you had to focus on was writing and being a mother to our kids. I’m afraid all I've got is a dog, a two-story house, and my heart. I’m afraid all I can be for you is your husband, a father to our children, your biggest supporter, your part-time chefandyour supplier of endless orgasms.”I waggle my brows.
She giggles. “And you think it’s not enough?”
Sadly, I shake my head. “I’ll never be enough for you. But I hope to God I make up for it somehow by simply loving you to the best of my abilities. To be the good, honest man you always wanted from me. And I swear to you– more than to God– Verity, I swear toyou, I will be. You won’t ever regret me.”
She inhales sharply. “Dean.”
I drag my sight to her caramel one, air knocking out of my lungs.
“I haveneverregretted you. Not once did Ieverregret us. You were and always will be everything to me. So what if some of our plans didn’t pan out? You were always my dream. In the beginning, in the middle, and in the end.”
Tears prick the back of my eyeballs, but before I can get a word out-
“Mommy!” We hear our son call from inside the house, and the slam of a door.
I almost chuckle. Leave it to kids to ruin the moment. I’m not bothered by it. I still get to love on Verity throughout the day. Like it was always meant to be. Stolen kisses and knowing smiles. It’s all worth it.Especially stolen moments in the laundry room where she lets me eat her pussy on the dryer. Or she goes down on me. Or I come home early before the kids get out and I have her in every fucking position I can think of before either of us have to pick them up from school. Sometimes I leave her so dazed it takes her a while to talk again.
But all in all, I’m happy for all the moments I’m given. I just want more. And we’re making up for all that lost time. I’m loving it.
When Verity tries to get out of my grasp, I hold her tighter and shake my head.
Noah springs out the back door like a little tornado, a huge smile plastered on his face as he eyes us. “Are you my mommy’s boyfriend now?”
“Noah!”
“I am.” I grin down at my son.
“Oh, good! Now you don’t have to hide in the pantry to kiss or sneak in the house at night.”
“Noah!” Verity grumbles.
And I laugh at my son’s observational skills. He gets that from me. Savannah is out of the door next, quietly observing us as though she’s stringing her next sentence together carefully. She squints those cobalt blues. She turns, as if she’s going to go back inside, hand on the doorknob, but stills.
I know that look. It’smylook. The one where I have so much to spew, and I’m trying to hold back so I don't cause more harm than good. It’s the look that kept me feeling so bitter for so long. I don’t want that for my daughter. I want more for her. I want tobemore for her.
“Savannah, wait a minute. Noah, buddy, is Zoey still inside?” I ask. Verity tenses. “Together, remember?” She nods and relaxes a tad.
“Yeah, she has my stuff.” Noah chirps.
“You help the ladies, Noah. Go help your aunt. I’ll be there shortly.”
“Okay, Daddy.” He says so fucking coolly, I’m stunned. But he doesn’t backtrack, only goes to help his aunt. I swallow the ball of emotion thickly, squeezing, threatening to come out of my eyeballs. Shit. I blink rapidly, trying to tamper all of that down.
Savannah takes a seat, and only then do I let Verity slide down off my lap, but next to me. I take her hand in mine. I sniff, facing my daughter.
“If this is the part where you’re going to tell me you’re my bio dad, you can save it. I already know.”
“How?” Verity and I ask simultaneously.
“Mom’s old yearbooks. You were in all of them with… dad. But there were a few more things in the back of that yearbook. I put them in that box of CDs you gave me that were in the attic. Things I think you forgot you had in there. Pictures. Poems. Love notes…” Her eyes bounce between me and her mom. She smiles a little sadly, brows furrowing together. “I’m not ready to call you dad yet.”
I shake my head. “No- you- that’snotwhat this is about. I’m kinda glad you got the pressure off me. I’m sorry you had to put two and two together. That’s not at all how we wanted that to go. We wanted to tell you a while ago, we just thought you would need time to get used to me being around. But these next few words are words I’ve been dying to say to you and only you for a while now, Savannah. I’d very much like to get to know you more. I love your mother. More than my own heart. But even if things didn’t work out the way we want them to, I still want to be in your life, Sunshine. I want you to know that. I want to be your dad. Ireallywant to be your dad. I don’t know how Micah… I’m not him. I won’t always know all the answers, I may not always get it right, but I swear, Savvy, all I want to do is be your dad. Noah’s dad. And your mama’s husband someday. Okay?”
Tears spring into my daughter’s eyes, and she throws herself at me.
I catch her and hold her to me. “I’m not letting you go, Sunshine. Okay? I’m your dad through and through. I just want the chance to prove it. Will you let me?” I ask, petting her back.
