Page 42 of Secrets That Bind Us
IknowI need to talk to Dean.
I promised him I would.
Time is running out, and I have so much to say before I go.
But what can I say, really? We left things in such a terrible way that I’m embarrassed to speak to him. It’s beenmonths.After spending another summer in New York– away from Adelaide, scoping out more jobs with Jake so I can have money on the side, filling out essays for grants and scholarships– it feels redundant. I know I’m not coming back to Adelaide.
This time, Micah was able to get into the summer program there, and we spent the entire summer hanging out, traipsing all over every open weekend we could.
When school starts again, due to the extra credit classes I took last year and during the summer online, I have enough credits to graduate high school before the end of the semester. My early entry to NYU acceptance letter came in, and I’m due in New York before the Spring. But I’m not waiting until then. Jake already has an apartment in the city– granted he has three other roommates– but it’s only temporary until I start school. There, I’ll be in a dorm room and have a dormmate.
Micah will join me after graduation. Zoey’s staying here, since she got an apprenticeship at a tattoo parlor in the next town over. She knows I’m going to New York for school– I just didn’t tell her when. I know that makes me sound like a terrible friend, but she tends to say things at inappropriatetimes, and Ireallydon’t need this getting back to Daddy. All it takes isonewiggling ear to hear the right words spoken at the wrong time for the entire town to know your business by the time you get home from school.
Another reason I need to leave Adelaide.
Just as I’m thinking of Dean, packing up my things to go for the day, the hallway empties, and the hairs on the nape of my neck stand on end. I hear a locker squeak as I bend, and I know it’s fate. I know it’s him by the way the electricity in the air draws me to him. I look up so slowly, and it’s still not enough time for me to catch my breath.
Why did it have to bethisboy for me? Standing tall and beautiful like God made him just to torment my heart and my mind. To feast upon my soul only to leave it in shreds? I let go of whatever air made it into my lungs as he strides to me. I want to run, but I keep myself in place. Locked in. Locked on that fiery gaze that lights me up on the inside and makes me want to squirm under his glare– but it makes me want to dootherthings more.
Like kissing his smile. Lord, I love it when he smiles.
But he’s not smiling now.
“What’s going on?” He asks, crossing his arms. The line of blue lockers behind him is loud in contrast to the black shirt he’s wearing– it’s loose around his middle but tight on his chest and arms, accentuating the mass he put on over the summer while I was away.
Beautiful Dean Carson. Curse upon my heart.
I clear my throat. “Dean, hey.”
His eyes narrow. “’Hey?’That’swhat you have to say to me?”
“I don’t know what else to say to you, Dean.” I sigh honestly.
“Are you fucking him?”
My brows knit together. “Who?”
“Micah. I know you were in New York together.”
“Oh God,” I groan, “Not this again, Dean. I can’t do this again. I can’t keep making sure that you know at all times that I’ve only ever-“ I let out a frustrated sigh. “I can’t be stuck in this vicious cycle again. I don’t have it in me and I don’t have the time. For your information, I’m too busy to do anything other than study and I’m pretty sure you know that.”
“That’s the fucking problem. Idon’tknow anything, Ver. It’s not like you come up and talk to me about your day. Fuck’s sake– you don’t even look my way.”
He’s right. I don’t. It’s too hard. After the way we left things– with him saying he’d planned out our entire future– my heart and my mind were too heavy. I love him, I do. But I can’t fathom being stuck in this town for therest of my life. After our last beating, I refuse to become my mother. I refuse to stay tied to a stagnant town.
“Tell me what’s going on, Verity. Please.”
“I was granted a scholarship and an early entry to NYU, Dean. I’m leaving as soon as I’m done here. I’m eighteen now. I’m moving in with Jake until I get my dorm room.”
Dark brows bunch together and sadness creeps into his gaze, making my stomach plummet. “When is that?”
“Soon,” is all I say.
“Why?”
“BecauseDean! Ihave toget away from here. Don’t you see that? Don’t you see that life here is suffocating? I can’t breathe here, Dean. I’ll wither and I’ll die if I stay here. I know how dramatic that sounds, but goddamnit– can’t you see it? This town takes your dreams andeatsthem. There’s a whole world out there, a whole other type of life that can be had. One where I’m not beaten. One where I don’t have to tiptoe to the fridge for a midnight snack.” I clamp my mouth shut because I’ve said far too much. I squeeze my eyes shut.
“Is it that bad?”
