Page 88 of Secrets That Bind Us
“Uh, yeah. ‘Til about seventh grade you were my best friend.” It wasn’t until eighth grade year when Zoey and her family moved to Adelaide from Oklahoma that I had an actual friend again. Much like Jake, Zoey kind ofjust looked at me and made me her best friend. “I never understood how you switched on me.” I admit. “It really sucked.”
She shakes her head. “That was on me. When Dean’s dad won custody and he moved back from Arlington, I became obsessed with him. It didn’t help that my mama always had bad shit to say about yours. How Marie should be ashamed, prancing the reverend’s love child around. I let it go to my head. I thought… if I made you look like a loser, maybe Dean would want you less. Or If I spread rumors around… I thought if maybe I did things to makemelook cooler, or… like ‘the better choice,’ he’d want me.” She shakes her head. “It didn’t work. Then it turned outmymom was the town whore.Isthe town whore. So many secrets came to light when Daddy died…” She shakes her head again, this time like she’s trying to quell the tears forming in her eyes. “When you left, Verity… and Dean was just trying to survive, I did it again. I had selfish motives when I was trying to help him. He put up some severe boundaries, and I knew you were the only one ever meant for him. He left for New York to find you, and I was heartbroken yet again. But while he was gone, I met Aiden.” She chokes on a sob, and I reach over and place a hand on hers.
It’s cold.
“He was the light of my life. He made me feel things I never thought I could in such a short amount of time. I fell in love.Reallove. The kind where you feel like you can’t breathe when they’re not around. Totally and completely, and I realized I never loved Dean the way I loved Aiden. Ever. I finally understood Dean. ”
Loved.
“She’s had a tough time since her daddy died…”Will’s voice rings in my head.
“Tiffany…”
She pulls away the hand I’m holding and wipes a rogue tear from her face with the back of her hand, shoving it into her lap, and flicks her gaze back out to the town square. “I gotta get this out, Verity, because I’ve held on to so much hate for you for a really long time, and you never deserved it.” I wait for her to continue. “It was only then that I understood how deep love really is. I was a total bitch to you. When Aiden was diagnosed– we did it all for him to get better. The experimental everything. It worked for three years. Then it didn’t.” She finally looks at me. “I would do anything, Verity,anything, to spend just twenty more minutes with him. And when you came back to town after living your best life without Dean, I was angry and jealous. Because Dean doesn’t just get twenty more minutes with you– he gets the rest of your life. Or his.” She stops.
There’s another wave of silence that passes between us before I clear my throat and dip my chin. “Would it help if I said Iwasn’tliving my best life?”
Tiffany snorts.
“Money…” I shake my head and look down at my own mug, then simply take off my glasses and turn my head to the side so she can see the small scar on the bridge of my nose from that day in Micah’s office. “When I left for New York, I had four thousand dollars in my pocket. Four thousand sounds like a lot – especially when you're a teenager– but in New York… it’s shit. I was there for seven months when I gave birth to Savannah. It was also the time I found out Dean was alive. Micah had lied to me. But he had somehow made me dependent on him for cash flow. At first… I tried to get back to Dean- but there was no money. It is generally so much more expensive to flyoutof New York than it is to fly in.” I scoff with a roll of my eyes. “Then, miraculously, I signed my book deal and was given a bonus. That moment felt like an act of God, Tiff. But then it was talking to editors, marketing directors, audiobook companies, narrators, and I had meetings on top of meetings all while I had an infant strapped to my chest. Next thing I knew that infant was a toddler on my hip because wouldn’t you know it- all those meetings paid off. And soon I was on book tours, pulled here and there… Dean was always in the back of my mind– just not the forefront.”
Guilt weighs heavily on my shoulders. “I know it’s bad to speak ill of the dead, but Micah was just…there. And I don’t mean he was there forme…It was more like, he felt as though he wasowedmy life. The life I had worked so hard for. He kept us afloat while I was pregnant even though he was a student, made sure I relied on him heavily after I gave birth. I thought he was a godsend. When the money came about– a part of me felt like I did owe him. I took him to every meet and greet Zoey couldn’t attend. I took him to New Zealand, London, Paris… Safe to say, he got used to it.
“He got used to the money, used to that life I was affording. When he would feel me slip away, he would guilt me. Because he was nothing butkind. Hehad been good to me. Over the years, we became intimate and he proposed to me in front of a large group of our friends while we were on a yacht, and I felt so… pressured to say yes. So I did. People pleaser that I am. That night, the drinking became excessive. He almost went overboard; he was so drunk.” I grimace, remembering how a waiter barely had enough time to grab onto the neck of his jacket and pull him back onto the yacht.
I swallow thickly and gaze out of the window. “But the drinking didn’t stop. Later that year, when Zoey and Evan announced they were engaged again,for the second time,”–we both roll our eyes– “said she was havingan engagement party, and I needed to come down. I decided to tell Micah I wanted to call our wedding off. It had been a few months, and I hadn’t planned a goddamn thing. Hadn’t looked at any venues, dresses,nothing. I barely wore the ring because it felt like a lie, and every time I looked at it, I felt nauseous.
“It was the first time we ever had a screaming match. A bad one in front of my oldest. I called my best friends, made arrangements, and left my Savvy with them for the weekend while I came to her engagement party, where I had a one night stand that resulted in Noah.”
A blush creeps up my cheeks. “Turns out it was Dean at that party.”
Tiffany laughs. “Of course it is. Only the cosmos would letyouhave Dean Carson’s children.”
I laugh a little too. “Except I didn’t know it then. So, do me a favor and spread that rumor around town for me. I don’t have the strength to tell people Dean, in fact, did not adopt my son. He is his. Paternity test and everything proven.”
“Consider it done.” She grins. And it is still a beautiful grin. It’s just the sadness in her eyes that reminds me of the cloud I carried with me for years.
“I appreciate that. Anyway, when I flew back to New York, almost immediately after having that incredible one-night, Micah seemed to realize what would be slipping away, and I felt so guilty for what had just happened… When I found out I was pregnant, Micah said he’d raise the child as his, since I didn’t know who the father was, and I thought,‘He really is good to me. Here is a man who really does love me. What is wrong with me? Ishouldmarry him.’”The back of my eyeballs prickle with unshed tears. “And after the marriage certificate was signed, it was like he waited until that year to change. He was harsher. Mean. If he didn’t get his way, I was walking on eggshells. He was drinking all the time. Or he wasn’t home. He was often at the gallery we opened, but then I would check the cameras, and he was there– with other women, of course. I became a laughingstock, but I was also so indifferent toward him to the point that I didn’t care anymore.
“I wasgratefulother women were paying him attention, because it meantIdidn’t have to. My lack of jealousy only made him angrier. It was hell. And the biggest mistake of my life. Except now there was an ironclad agreement. A year-and-a-half into our marriage, he was involved in this freak boating accident in California. Then I waited until he healed. After that, it took me almostthree yearsof sneaking around with lawyers while I was on book tours, my mother dying, trying to handle being a married single mother, to be able to gathergoodevidence of his cheating and blatant issues withmoney management, to finally compile enough for a dissolution of marriage. I served him in the office of that gallery, and he served me this scar.” I point to the scar again.
“Poor little rich girl.” Tiffany mumbles, but not in a way that’s judgmental– in a way that says, money does not, indeed, buy happiness. And she would know. Her father was the fucking mayor. They had money some folks in this town are too financially unstable to evendreamabout.
I nod. “Poor little rich girl, indeed.” There is a calm presence that settles between us as we both take a sip from our oversized mugs. I put my glasses back on, hearing Bear’s little paws as he waddles over to me and puts his head on my lap beneath the table. I rub between his ears, feeling the velvety softness there, thankful for his presence. “And so you need a job.”
She inclines her chin and raises her brows for a fraction of a second. “Turns out experimental drugs do not always mean free.”
And so she’s working herself ragged to pay off her late husband’s medical debt. I pat Bear on the head again, rubbing down his flank and patting him twice so he lets me stand. “I’ll go get you an application, and then I’ll have you sit with my store manager, Trish. She can kind of go over everything with you.”
“Okay.”
I do exactly as I said, and introduce Tiffany to Trish, then go back to my future husband, who’s currently putting books on shelves very carefully with his big hands attached to the strongest, most colorful arms I’ve ever seen. Arms intricately tattooed with different versions of our story. He smiles as soon as he spots me. “How did it go?”
I sigh and go to him, putting my arms around his lean torso and my chin on his chest so I can look up into his oceanic eyes. He smells so good. His arms immediately come down over me, hands settling on the small of my back. I am so grateful for this man. “Can you tell me more about Aiden?”
He grimaces. “What do you need to know?”
I hum. “Everything, probably.” I shake my head sadly. “You shouldn’t be thirty-two, having to deal with griefandmedical bills.”
