Page 19 of Secrets That Bind Us
She was just there.
I never fucked her face to face. As much as Lacy tried, I never even kissed her once. I haven’t kissed anyone since the last time I kissed Verity. Because kissing someone else felt wrong. Like I was betraying her. Well, except for that one time, but that one time, I allowed myself to pretend. I allowed myself to look into brown eyes, grip wide hips, wrap brown hair around my wrist and just…pretendit was Verity.A part of me feels like it was her.
Lacy throws down the half smoked square on my front step and stomps on it angrily. “Whatever. I’m late for yoga. You know, Emory said she’s only gonna be here for a year. If that. So when she breaks your heart and leaves again, to her big fancy house in a different state, thousands of miles away, don’t come crying to me.”
“Get off my property before I arrest you for trespassing.” I grumble, then shut the door in her face. I hear her call me astupid motherfuckerfrom the other side.
I head back to my bedroom and flop back on the bed, only to rub my temples. Except my wheels start turning.
A year.
I haveone yearto make her mine again.
And this time, I won’t fuck it up.
Chapter Eleven
Verity
Age Seventeen
I check myself in the full-length mirror in the corner of my room one last time:
White Vans:check
Flowery sundress I bought at the secondhand store in town:check
Minimal makeup so Daddy doesn’t notice:check
Best friend gushing that I’m going on an actual date with Dean Carson:check, check
“You look so good, Ver. Do you know where he’s taking you?” Zoey asks from where she’s perched on my bed, flipping through the pages of the issue ofSeventeenshe brought over.
I shake my head, going to my closet for my denim jacket, because this dress just says, ‘please stare at my chest all night.’ Which is not what I want, but I kind of do want, because I want Dean Carson to like me– but not because I’m flashing my tits. I don’t know. This is all confusing. I want him to like me for my brain but I also want him to find me attractive. I try to swallow down my insecurities, but I don’t look anything like Tiffany. I wish I was three inches taller or blonde. I wish Mama could afford to get me contacts. I wish a lot of things were different.
But it’s like Mama always says,‘If only wishes and dreams were peaches and cream, then the hungry could eat.’
“He said it was a surprise.”
Zoey exhales, putting away the magazine and scooting down to the edge of my bed. “You have to tell meeverything. You have your RAZR charged?”
“Yeah.” I say, shoving it into my purse, which I then shove into my backpack because our cover is, we’re having study group dinner with friends and then I’m staying the night with Zoey. She’ll drop me off at church in the morning since she has her big brother's old Jeep Wrangler now and officially has her license.
The truth is, I really am having dinner, but with Dean, before going to another place he hasn’t told me about. Andshe’sgoing to a bonfire with Evan, where we’ll meet up around midnight. Afterwards, we really will go to sleep at Zoey’s, and she really will drop me off at church in the morning.
I've somehow turned into an honest rebel. Little white lies for adrenaline spiked kisses. I mean, Dean wouldn’t kiss me the way he does if he didn’tlike melike me, right? My heart sinks a little at all the reminders of him and Tiffany making out in the halls and all the…storiesfrom the parties. I shouldn’t go. This is a bad idea. I don’t want to be another story around this town.
“Oh no. I know that look. Verity Huntington, you are not changing your mind right now. Let’sgo.” Zoey tugs me out my bedroom door before I can even begin to protest. The only thing I’m able to grab at is my softball bat I leave just outside my bedroom door.
“Ugh! Zoey!”
She stops pulling at me and I let my bat go. It hits the corner of the wall with a barely a tinythud, back in its spot. “No, Ver, I’m so serious. You can’t sit around in here every weekend until we graduate. Have some adventure, Verity. We’re seventeen! We should be making mistakes right now so we have cool stories to tell our grandkids when they think we’re lame.”
“I dunno, Zo. It’s making me feel weird inside. Maybe I have to puke. What if my dad finds out?”
Her hazel gaze goes soft on me. “If at any point in time you feel like you’re in a bad situation and you have to go, call me. I’ll have my phone on loud and I’ll pick you up. Okay?”
I dip my chin once. “Okay.”
