Page 37 of Collision of Winters
“It’s the last thing I want.” I had to shift him away from me another couple inches. He was sitting way too close to my cock. “It’s just moving quickly, and this isn’t…appropriate.”
For fuck’s sake, he’d joined our family as a baby brother of sorts.
He swallowed and drew a shaky breath, looking way too exposed for my liking. “And, um…inappropriate is bad?”
Nothing with you can ever be bad, darling boy.
What was I doing? I was making him insecure.
I leaned in and kissed him but kept it brief, and I rested our foreheads together and cupped his cheek in my hand.
His height messed with my head too. He was short enough that when he sat on my lap, he didn’t get that much higher. I didn’t have to crane my neck uncomfortably to reach him. And his looks—those eyes, the sweetness and the innocence… Even though I knew very well, based on what he’d told me, he was far from innocent.
“I feel like I shouldn’t be drawn to you in this way,” I admitted. “You’re vulnerable, and it would be too easy for me to take advantage. If I ever harmed you?—”
“Take advantage?” he spluttered. “Sir, I’m throwing myself at you. That’s why I’m nervous and didn’t have the guts to make a move. I don’t want you to turn me down.”
I squeezed my eyes shut momentarily.
He’s an adult.
Yeah, but…
Kayden huffed and started shifting off me. “I can see you’re gonna be difficult about this.”
I cracked my eyes open again, and he moved away, creating more distance than usual, and he scowled to himself and picked up his plate.
“Damn old people,” he whispered.
I smashed my lips together.
That wasn’t helping.
But his crankiness, I could handle. Cranky was a walk in the park compared to hurt.
“That’s actually a good point,” I told him. “Shouldn’t you be running after Doms your own age?”
He scoffed and bit into a piece of bacon. “I should be running after Doms I’m attracted to, jerkface.”
My mouth twitched.
Then I cleared my throat and adjusted in my seat. The tension didn’t feel awkward, thankfully.
It wasn’t my intention to complicate things, but we were more than two men who evidently shared a mutual attraction. In the span of a few days, I’d gone from worrying about the family’s pseudo little brother because he’d been a flight risk who couldn’t share his struggles, to…whatever the fuck this was. He’d come so far. He was happier now that he’d opened up. More than that, he was himself. He’d let down his guard with me. Was it so weird that I was protective of his progress?
“I’d like to talk about this, Kayden,” I said patiently.
He glanced over at me. “Why? I know you well enough to give you a play-by-play of that discussion already. You think I’m too young, you think I can’t know what it is I want for myself, you’re worried about hurting me, we’re family, and I can’t possibly think straight when I’m in my Middle space.”
Well.
“For the record,” he continued, “I do feel vulnerable, but the cat’s out of the bag and I’m not going to run away for once. I’ve had a crush on you on and off for years, and nobody likesunrequited feelings. Also, this whole thing about Chris possibly being in danger is on my mind. But guess what, Wade? I can keep two thoughts in my head at the same time. Canyou?” The look he gave me was full of challenge. “I already know you view me as the vulnerable Little slash baby brother who needs help and all that crap. But can you also keep in mind that I’m a grown man who, despite all the shit I’ve lived through, can take care of himself? And that while one side of me needs a Daddy and an awesome pillowcase collection, the other wants a Sadist to chase him down and rapefuck him into oblivion? I’m still the guy who enlisted in the Army, the idiot who got arrested for assault because some asshole punched me first, and the genius who’s currently putting you in your place.”
I blinked.
“I may have called myself stupid, lame, and a chickenshit over the years, but I’m not lost,” he said resolutely. “I know what I want. I always knew—I just kept failing in my attempts to get to where I wanted. Kinda like now.” The last part came out muttered as he polished off the rest of his plate. “I knew it was too good to be true to think you’d want me, but I’ll…” He swallowed and seemed to waver for a second, but then he shook his head and stood up. “I’ll live. And you let me down gently, as is obligatory for a big brother, so I’d rather just move on.” He carried his plate back to the kitchen. “I admit I’m kinda fucking mortified, but if I keep talking until I’m out of this cabin, I believe I can fake it till I make it.”
I followed his every movement, including the firm nod he gave himself, but the confidence in his eyes had faded, and I could tell he needed to get away for a while.
