Page 32 of Collision of Winters
I reached over to my bedside table and flicked off the lantern. “I’m a civilian now.”
He gigglesnorted in the dark. “No, you’re not.”
“Yeah. I am.”
“You’re not!” He let out a laugh and rolled onto his side. I caught him in the low light from the fire in the main room,and he was grinning at me. “You’re a decorated soldier and a psychiatrist at a private military agency. That doesn’t sound very civilian.”
I smirked wryly, and I rolled onto my side as well. “This is the most gung ho for the military I’ve ever seen you.”
He raked his teeth over his bottom lip. “I guess it always represented strength to me, coming from a background where I was too young and weak to defend myself.”
That made perfect sense.
I wasn’t particularly worried about him glorifying the military. He’d heard Quin and me bitch about fundamental problems in most branches, from rules for rules’ sake and structural issues to bullying and abuse. The latter was always going to be something Quinlan worked to prevent. He’d once ended up in the ICU for having a boyfriend, leading to the open policy we had at Hillcroft today. Not to mention my role with the agency. We’d both experienced the VA. We’d both had friends who’d been sent home from a clinic with a sleeping aid and opted to blow their brains out instead.
I could go on forever, but despite those heartbreaking downsides, the Army had given me something I wouldn’t trade for anything, so I did see Kayden’s perspective.
“I was gonna ask earlier…” He shifted a few inches closer and drew aimless circles on my pillow with his finger. “Do I have to worry about written exams during my training? My spelling isn’t great.”
That might be the first time he’d broached a topic even remotely close to the possibility of his having dyslexia.
“There will be a few,” I replied. “You don’t have to worry about your spelling, though. Not for a second. You’re not being trained in avoiding typos, and nine times out of ten, your communications will be verbal.”
“Heh. Okay.” He bit his lip and fixed his gaze on my pillow. “What do you think Dad will say? And Chris. Will they be okay with me working there?”
“The moment we say junior officer in logistics, they’ll be fine,” I assured. “It’s a good job. You’ll definitely feel useful. You’ll have operators depending on you—without you risking your life.”
He smiled and did the worst thing imaginable. He rested his head on my pillow instead of his own, bringing us much, much closer to each other.
My best course of action was to stay on the current topic. It was safe. “One thing we will ask of you is to choose a code name to work under. Quin uses his own because it wouldn’t look great if the co-owner of the agency went by an alias, but Chris and I are known only as Coach and Doc.”
Thank fuck, that worked. Kayden was suddenly so interested to hear more that he sat up, still a little too close, and crisscrossed his legs. But at least our faces weren’t mere inches apart.
“So people don’t know your names at all? Why’s he called Coach? What should I pick? Do I choose my alias after I’ve passed the training?”
Did he have to be so fucking adorable? Holding back was starting to wear me down, although the alternative was worse. If the guilt was threatening to consume me just by realizing my feelings toward Kayden were changing, what would happen if I actually acted on them?
“Very few people know our names at Hillcroft,” I confirmed. “Chris earned his nickname when he was around eighteen, nineteen. He was too young to go through our recruit program at the time—which was still being developed then—so he tagged along to shadow the instructors, and he turned out to be quite the coach when spurring on the recruits. The name stuck, andaside from being an operator today, he’s an instructor. As foryou…” I smiled and folded an arm under my head. “You choose your alias before training begins, and it’s entirely up to you. I think the only rules for code names are that it can just be a single word or name, it obviously can’t be inappropriate, and you can’t change it whenever you feel like.”
I further explained that the vast majority today operated under their own names, but because of our family history, we wanted the added security of going anonymous. It was an extra line of defense. An extra lock on the door.
Kayden nodded and did something even stupider than sharing my pillow. Now he thought it was a good idea to fidget with the waistband of my boxer briefs under the covers, even though I could tell he wasn’t aware of what he was doing. He seemed to be miles away in his mind.
Goddammit. His fingertips alone brushing against my skin were enough to pour most of my focus into my hip.
“Understandable,” he replied pensively.
I scrubbed a hand over my face, then stared up at the ceiling.
“We should get some sleep, kiddo,” I felt the need to say. “It’s been a long day.”
He snorted softly. “Sir, calling me kiddo made sense when I was twelve. I turn twenty-sixthe day after tomorrow. Technically, it’s tomorrow.”
I yawned and folded my other arm under my head too.
He watched the movement, zeroing in on my biceps.
Quit it.
